I don't want to start any blasphemous rumors

Don't you hate it when there's a rumor about you that you vehemently deny, and then you go and do something stupid to validate that rumor in everyone else's eyes. For example, let's say that there was a nasty rumor going around that you had slit the throats of your ex-wife and her new lover, and that rumor had been going around for years, and then you get arrested for armed robbery and everyone's all like, "I knew it. I knew he was capable of that sort of thing."

Or, say that people liked to go around telling everyone about how much you hate dogs. You insist that you don't hate dogs at all, but nobody believes you because every time a dog comes around you refuse to pet it. And then someone spots you coming out of Michael Vick's house covered in dog blood. Then all your friends would be like, "See? I told you that he hated dogs." But they'd only say it behind your back, and to your face they'd be all nice and stuff. Your friends suck.

Well, you know what's worse than that? When rumors are validated in people's minds without you necessarily doing anything to perpetuate it. For example, say that you were a biology lab instructor who was divorced, thin, and had an earring. Obviously you must be gay. Duh!

Also, unfounded rumors can start if you're a biology lab instructor who sometimes teaches lectures during the summer when no professors want to do it, and one day you tell some of your students to meet you at your office at a certain time, except then you forget to meet them there. Instead, you go and do some lab work for your dissertation research, but then your friend has to call you to remind you that you have students waiting for you so you tell him to tell them to sit tight and you'll be there as soon as you can. Well, if this describes anything that you've ever done, then obviously your students were having to wait outside your office because you were banging one of your female students in your office. This simply must be true, even though the other students were waiting outside your office, and you came from somewhere else on campus. It also means that this sort of thing happens all the time. Obviously.

You should really stop sleeping with your students. Perv.

You should also stop attending dog fights at Mike Vick's house.

While you're at it, stop slashing your ex-wives' and their boyfriends' throats. Oh, and stop being gay.