Forever yesterday (breathe slowly and deeply)

I don't know why kids think that they need to spend their time growing up, but no matter how many times I tell my kids to knock it off, they just keep getting older. Yesterday I found out that my daughter has a BOYFRIEND! Dun, dun, dun. Okay, so I've suspected for a while, she is thirteen after all, but she confirmed it yesterday. Apparently she was very afraid* that I'd find out and be mad at her, so she kept it secret for a while, but had "I heart [Kid's Name]" as her myspace profile quote about a week ago. Of course, I didn't know she was on myspace until I saw it about a week ago, so that was a relatively safe place, but it just goes to show that you never really know who's reading.

I talked to a friend about it yesterday afternoon, shortly after I talked to her.

Me: I don't know what to think about the fact that my daughter's got a boyfriend already.
Him: Well, you had to know it was coming sooner or later.
Me: Yeah, but I was hoping for later.
Him: Just think, in another three years or so she'll be . . .
Me: Don't say it!
Him: Don't say what?
Me: I know what you're about to say. Don't say it.
Him: How old was [Ex-Wife] when you got her pregnant? Seventeen?
Me: See, I knew that's what you were going to say.
Him: Well, you could always take her down to Tijuana and get her tubes tied.
Me: Yeah, I'm sure her mom would let me do that.
Him: It'd be easy. Just say, "Kids, get in the car. I'm going to show you Mexico."
Me: They already saw Mexico when their mom remarried.
Him: Oh yeah.
Me: I'll have to sell it as showing them a completely different part of Mexico.
Him: I'll say.
Me: I'd have to be like, "Here boys, take this twenty dollars and go catch a donkey show while I take your sister into this back alley. We'll meet you out front in an hour."
Him: You could get [Next Oldest] a vasectomy while you're there.
Me: Or get one for myself! I've been thinking about it anyway. I mentioned it to my brother, and he said that I should wait because I might get married again and want to have kids. Even if I do remarry, I'm done having kids. I figure if I get snipped now then it's out of the question.
Him: Well, you can always have it reversed.
Me: Yeah, but I wouldn't. I'd just have to make sure that anyone I started dating knew about it up front (no pun intended).
Him: Well, it could even be a selling point. You could say, "No, don't worry baby, you can't get pregnant."





* So afraid that her friend told my ex that she threw up a few times because she was afraid I'd find out.