We know everything

Yesterday we had to grade the first midterm of the semester. While these grading sessions are time consuming, and nobody really wants to be there, we always end up having a good time. This is mostly because of all the funny things that students write in their answers. I'm sure that I enjoy it more than most people would, but that's because I'm an asshole and feel better about myself when I make fun of other people's stupidity. For example, here are a few of the new words I learned about yesterday: Fitist, conceps, flud, prodided. Yes, I understand that these are just misspellings, and that would be understandable if they were typos, but these answers were hand written.

One of the questions was about a paper the students were assigned to read, and it asked them to list three influences that Darwin had on contemporary thinking. One student began their essay with this: Darwin's writings and recordings . . .

I chuckled and read it aloud to the other people who were grading. My friend laughed and said, "What did he use to record on? A parrot?"

Another student took issue with the paper that he was assigned to read, and instead of answering the question just railed on about how it was a waste of time. This was because he doesn't believe in organic evolution. I'd like to ask him what exactly he hopes to accomplish with a degree in biology if that's the case. The professor commented that he didn't necessarily care if his students left the class believing in evolution, because really he has no control over that, but that they had better at least leave the class understanding it. If it were me, I wouldn't be willing to sacrifice my grade by not answering the question that was asked, but that's just me.

I also get a laugh from the students who admit defeat without even trying, but still take time to write down answers such as this one: I have no clue. This sucks.

My very favorite answer to the question, however, was this one (written exactly as it was on the exam): Reject all the spourtial of pheoneon refute trypologit Production of variation is matter chermose. Reject typological thinking interduce concept now populale thineom. Theor of natural select invociation theleology unnecessary.

The sad thing is, I had to give partial credit for it, even though the person is obviously incapable of stringing together any kind of coherent thought.