Don't rock bottom just listen just slow down

It might be time to give up when you try to do a little light jogging on the treadmill to help rehab your back, and you end up pulling a muscle in your calf.

I'm just sayin'.

Does anyone have Dr. Kevorkian's number?

Well you can't see the stars in the city no, though the hospital lights sure are pretty yeah

Nurse: Do you have diabetes?
Me: No.
Nurse: Any history of heart disease?
Me: No.
Nurse: Renal failure?
Me: No.
Nurse: Incontinence?
Me: No.
Nurse: Any new rashes?
Me: No.
Nurse: Vision problems?
Me: No.
Nurse: Are you on any medications? Blood thinners? Anti-inflammatories?
Me: Nope. None of those.
Nurse: Good.
Me: Wow. That list makes me sound like I'm a healthy person or something.
Nurse: You are healthy. That's good. Now all I have to do is put in the needle for your I.V. and we'll be ready to take you back.
Me: Sounds good.

Nurse: You have nice veins.
Me: Yeah, I get told that a lot.
Nurse: Are you afraid of needles?
Me: It's not my favorite thing in the world to get stuck by one, but I can handle it o.k. Although, let's just say I wouldn't make a very good junkie.

All things considered, I was very at ease with getting another epidural injection for my back. The only part that gave me pause was when I was wheeled into the room for the procedure only to hear my doctor and one of his technicians talking about playing Dungeons and Dragons. They didn't turn me into a Wood Elf or a Left Handed Axe Wielding Dwarf though. Plus, I can walk better than I have in weeks, and I can bend my leg and back further than I've been able to since November, so I'll consider it a success for now.

And on the cold wet dirt I cry

How long have I been limping around? Three months? Has it been that long already? Really? Then why do I still have people who come up to me and say, "What did you do?"

It's been three fucking months people. You see me several times a week. The next person to ask what I did is going to get a swift kick in the nuts.

Well, assuming that I can actually pull off a swift kick without falling into a crumpled heap of patheticness.

And assuming that the offending party is male and actually has nuts for me to kick swiftly.

Gotta make it man, I ain't got a choice

It sucks how easily one long drive can wipe out any progress that's been made in healing an ailing back. I guess it's time to get back on the percocet until I can schedule another steroid injection.

It's been a rough week.

Highway to the danger zone

As part of my ongoing medical treatment for my back injury, I had to get another MRI done this week. This time the doctor wanted it done with contrast. That's where they take images before and after injecting a contrasting agent so they can look at scar tissue too. It should give the doctor a better idea of what we're dealing with here.

The best part about getting an MRI with contrast done? Being able to go around for the rest of the day saying, "I've got gadolinium running through my veins."

Tell me that doesn't make a guy sound tough.

Tiny insects make me want to dance

It's official, I can park anywhere I want now. My friend from Germany says that having this placard also means I'm retarded. Who am I to argue with her on that? However, I didn't hear her complaining too much when it got us good parking on Sunday when we went to the mall so she could sit on Santa's lap and the rest of the parking lot was full. The main place it makes a difference is on campus. Now I can park right in front of my office building instead of parking and having to hobble a block or two.

I do feel like I'm able to walk a little better now, but I might as well take advantage of anything that helps while I can. After all, I still hurt when I move too much, and I can't walk very fast at all. As if to rub it in, I was walking down the hallway toward my office yesterday when a cockroach thought it would be a good time to race me. It must have figured it could take me pretty easily while I'm in my handicapped state. Not being one to take taunting from an insect so easily, I stomped on the cockroach as soon as it pulled ahead.

Who's the fastest one now, bitch?

Is this explosion gonna' set me reelin'?

Since I hurt my back, everyone's been treating me like a porcelain doll. This is probably due to my incessant whining and complaining about it, but still, I'm not that fragile.

The other day I was sitting in a chair with a hinged back. You know, the kind that lets you lean back even though all four legs are on the floor. I wanted to stretch my back out, so I leaned back as far as I could. It freaked one of my friends out because she was worried I was going to hurt myself.

Her: Don't do that.
Me: Don't do what? This?

Then I leaned back again.

Her: Oh. I didn't realize you were sitting in a chair like that. I thought you were leaning back on two legs.
Me: Oh, you mean like this?

Then I really did lean back on the chair.

Her: Don't DO that!
Me: What are you, my mother?
Her (assuming a karate stance): I will make you bleed mother fucker.

Yup. Just like Mom used to say.