Dig him up and shake his hand, appreciate the man

A little over a week ago I went to Chipotle with a friend of mine for lunch. We ordered our food, and as we went to sit at a table, a Korean guy walked up to my friend, looked at him for a second, and said, "Where you been, Mothaaaafuckaaaaa?"

Turned out he was the sushi chef at the place my friend always used to go with his ex-girlfriend. My friend introduced us, then they sat and talked for about five minutes. The sushi chef invited him to come back to the restaurant.

"I miss you. All of us miss you. You come back next week, okay?"

My friend said, "Okay. I'll come by next Thursday."

On Wednesday my friend texted me: What time are you done teaching?

I don't know, probably around eight, why?

We should go get sushi. It'll be my treat.

Okay. I can't turn an offer like that down. But don't expect me to put out later.

Alright, I won't. Let me know when you're done, and I'll meet you there.

Sounds good.

The reception my friend got at the sushi restaurant was like nothing I've ever seen before. The hostess saw him first (obviously) and said, "What happened? I know! You two broke up! Good to see you again!"

Then the sushi chef saw him and yelled out, "HEY!!! Look who it is! But today's not Thursday. I woke up today and was so sad that I had to wait another day to see you, but here you are. Good to see you!"

I kid you not, every single person who worked there came up to him that night to welcome him back and tell him how much they missed him. Even the owner. We got free sushi. My friend got free sake. You'd think he was some sort of a celebrity. I guess he and his girlfriend went there a LOT. It was a very surreal experience. We even tried two rolls that my friend had "created" with the sushi chef. They were delicious.

A few of the employees apologized for not recognizing him sooner, but said it was because he was there with me instead of his ex. Every single one of them had to talk about her, and how they'd seen her since, but not him, and how they liked him better.

The next day he asked me what I thought about the place while we were eating lunch.

"Well, apparently you're a friendly son-of-a-bitch away from campus. Everybody loves you there."

"I must be. It was good to see all those guys again. I'll need to go back on a semi-regular basis."

"Yeah, you should. Let me know. I'll go back. [The chef] was out of control, but it was fun. I still can't get over how much everyone there seemed to love you."

"That was nice. It was funny who even the ones who didn't recognize me at first came over to talk."

"They just didn't recognize you because you weren't there with . . . some bitch." (I forgot that he doesn't like to use the names of ex-girlfriends until I was almost through the sentence.)

My friend eyed the table next to us (which happened to be full of women) nervously. "Could you say that a little louder?"

"What? If I say it with a smile on my face it's not derogatory."

We could go and float around in our favorite swimming ground

My ex-wife called me on Saturday night to make plans for Father's Day. She told me that the kids wanted to come to my house and go swimming, and asked if that would be okay if they all came over for that. She volunteered to cook dinner at my house if she could come too. I said that'd be fine.

Tortellini called me yesterday afternoon to see if I could come get them, so I drove over to their house. My ex-wife still had a few things to put together for the meal she was going to fix at my place, so she said just to take the kids and go and she'd come over later. I did, and when we got to my house we went straight to the pool.

My ex-wife showed up a little while later. She sat down poolside and grabbed my phone to check the time. I asked her to check my phone for any text messages while she had it. It turned out I had missed one. From her.

Ex: There's just a message here from someone named [Ex's Name] that says 'I'll be there in a few, what's the gate code?'

Tortellini (sarcastically): Oooooohhhhh. You got a text from [Ex's Name]? Who's that? Huh, Dad?

Me: Oh, her? That's just some crazy bitch that won't stop calling me.

I truly am the world's greatest father.