Life ain't pretty for a dog-faced boy

A friend from Vegas came up to visit me this weekend. In part so she could escape the heat, and in part to try and cheer me up about things not working out with The Model. We went to breakfast the first morning she was here, and had the following conversation:


Her: I feel like you're a lot more subdued than when you lived in Vegas.

Me: Really? Why do you say that?

Her: I don't know. I just feel like you're an old dog and I'm this annoying little puppy that you just have to kind of tolerate, but at some point you're going to snap and bite me.

Me: Ha ha. Well, if it helps you feel better, I'm in a much better mood than I would be if you hadn't come to visit. Also, I promise I won't bite you.


So there you have it. My blog sucks because I'm a subdued old dog.

Hey yeah I'm the one that you wanted, hey yeah I'm your superbeast

I've been in Arizona with my kids for the last few days. Today as we were driving back from a quick trip to the mall, Mr M asked me an important question.

Mr M: Dad, would you rather be a zombie or a human?

Me: Hmmm. Probably a zombie.

Mr M: Why a zombie?

Me: Because then the only thing I'd feel would be a craving for brains.

Tortellini: Yeah, but it would be an overwhelming feeling.

Me: It would. But it couldn't be worse than longing for a human's touch.

Tortellini: Ew. Perv.

Mr M: He's a pedophile*.

Nothing says happy holidays quite like being called a perv and a pedophile by one's own children.

*I hope he doesn't know what that word really means.

There's a distance between me and a world that's offering its hand

In case you haven't guessed it, I'm depressed. And what do I do when I'm depressed? Besides wallow in self-pity, I mean? That's right. I put together music mixes. Here's the latest one.

Nobody's Man (click to download)
1. Weapons - The Daylights
2. Fall Into You - Gus Black
3. Wonderful (The Way I Feel) - My Morning Jacket
4. Reflections Of The Marionette - Two Gallants
5. When You Call My Name - Dawes
6. I And Love And You - The Avett Brothers
7. House Built For Two - Delta Spirit
8. Thanks For Nothing - Middle Brother
9. Rust - Telekinesis
10. Angelyne - The Jayhawks
11. Friday XIII - Deer Tick
12. Monster Ballads - Josh Ritter
13. Here's Looking At You, Kid - The Gaslight Anthem

I'd be curious to hear whether or not you like it.

When it hits me that she's gone

Middle Brother - Million Dollar Bill

When it hits me that she's gone
I think I'll run for President
Get my face put on the million dollar bill
So when these rich men that she wants
Show her ways they can take care of her
I'll have found a way to be there with her still

Ooooooh Ooooooh Ooooooh Ooooooh

When it hits me that she's gone
I think I'll be an astronaut
Make the moon my home and leave this world behind
So when she steps out into the night
To find some light that makes her pretty
She'll be facing me every time she shines

Ooooooh Ooooooh Ooooooh Ooooooh

Ooooooh Ooooooh Ooooooh Ooooooh

When it hits me that she's left me alone
When I finally move on with my life
Her goodbye written into stone
And her shadow grown into a night

When it hits me that she's gone
I think I'll be a movie star
Play the finest man the world has ever seen
So when the lovers that she's found
Show her ways they learned to talk to her
Behind each perfect word will be a little bit of me

Ooooooh Ooooooh Ooooooh Ooooooh

Ooooooh Ooooooh Ooooooh Ooooooh

Goodbye's too good a word babe, so I'll just say 'Fare thee well'

I'm leaving Las Vegas.

Most would say, "Finally!"

I feel like I'm leaving too soon.

I'm picking up a U-Haul in about a half hour. I'll load it today, and head out of town tomorrow.

I'm starting a new phase of my career: A job that will allow me to focus solely on research.

It really is a good fit for me and what I hope to achieve.

I'm a little excited.

I'm a little nervous.

I'm also really, really sad.

I'll be closer to my parents and siblings.

I'll be closer to good flyfishing and mountain biking.

But I'll also be further from my kids.

I'm leaving behind some of the best friends a person could hope to have.

I'm leaving behind a girl I'd hoped someday to build a future with.

Those aren't easy things to give up. No matter how good the rest of it seems.

I know things will all work out for me. They always do, but it might take a while for things to feel "normal" again.

Wish me luck.

When the last king of Hollywood shatters his glass on the floor

Last week while administering an exam, I got a phone call from one of my friends. Obviously I didn't answer. A few minutes later I got another call. Then a text. I figured it must be important, so I took my phone out of my pocket to see what was going on. Turned out that they had a suite at Planet Hollywood for the weekend, but weren't going to be able to use it that night. They wanted to know if I wanted it. Of course I did, because, hey, free suite.

It turned out to be the Sharon Stone suite, with a bunch of memorabilia from various movies starring her. There were a bunch of pictures of her on the walls, outfits she'd worn in various movies displayed in huge cases around the suite, and coffee tables/end tables with glass tops and props from her movies, including her cigarette case, the ice pick, the lie detector machine, etc. from Basic Instinct. It was kind of cool.

I took a bunch of pictures, but something was wrong with the lighting in the room, my camera, or both, so none of them turned out and you're going to have to take my word for it since the pics below don't do it justice. Which is a shame, because as I texted my friend upon my arrival, there were so many nice surfaces, I wouldn't even begin to know which one to first snort my coke off of.

Anyway, here are the few that actually look decent:
The bed:


The nightstand (aka, coke snorting surface number three):


The view the next morning (because the really cool night shots were all blurry):


Memorabilia table (aka, coke snorting surface number one)


Also unfortunately, I spent the night alone. I told a friend the next morning that if there was ever a room for housekeeping to enter only to find my dead body slumped over a pile of cocaine, or naked in the closet with a belt around my neck, that would've been the room.

Ah, missed opportunities.

The everliving ghost of what once was

The other night I was sitting in my car in the parking lot to a movie theater listening to music while I waited for a girl to show up. We had agreed to see Wristcutters: A Love Story (great movie by the way), but I had miscalculated the time it would take to drive across town, and arrived twenty minutes early. I didn't mind waiting. I just sat in the car listening to music to kill the time, which is something I enjoy doing anyway.

However, as I sat there listening to music, it occurred to me what day it was. Nov 11. Also known as the day my ex-wife and I officially separated. It took nearly three years for the divorce to be finalized. Those were the most emotionally draining three years of my life. It won't come as a surprise to anyone who knew me during that time that I was extremely depressed.

Flash back to that time period a few years ago, when I first moved to Vegas. I already knew a guy in the Ph. D. program because we'd worked on our master's degrees together, so I stepped into an immediate group of friends who did a lot of things together. A couple times a week we'd all meet up after school, usually at a particular bar that was close to campus which had great happy hour specials. On one occasion in particular, I was listening to Ryan Adams' Demolition on the way to meet up with them, and just broke down in tears on the way. I ended up being quite late because I just sat in the parking lot listening to music and sobbing. Once I got it all out, it took a few minutes to compose myself and go inside. I offered up some excuse about how I was sorry it took me so long to get there, but it was because I got caught up responding to an email or something like that. Of course, they knew better, but they never said anything to let me know that they knew.

I never told any of my friends (or family) thanks for getting me through that difficult period of my life. I don't think most of them can even comprehend how much they helped me. So, for the few of you who were there for me that read this, thank you. I've come a long way since then. Now I listen to music in my car to kill time, or because I want to hear the rest of a good song, not because I'm trying to get myself together before going into a public place. That's a big difference.