Feels like a midget is hanging from my necklace

If you ever needed a reason to not leave your cell phone unattended while in my presence, here's one for you: I was at a party Saturday night, someone left their phone on the table, and I just couldn't resist playing around once they received a text - even though I didn't know for sure whose phone it was or the girl they'd received the text from.

Girl: Whatcha doin' tonight?

Me: A couple of midgets and some creamed corn.

Girl: What a strange coincidence. I'm doing the exact same thing! Who's with you?*

Me: Two Asians, a Mexican and a parapalegic.

Girl: You should come over here.

Me: I'm trying, but the parapalegic makes things difficult.

Girl: You're not really hanging out with a parapalegic. If you are, bring them along.

Me: But what will the midgets think?

Girl: They can come too. We love midgets AND parapalegics.

Me: What about trannies? A few of them just showed up.

Girl: We've got way better than trannies over here. Trust me.


That's about the time that my friend realized what was going on, and made me straighten things out by letting them know it wasn't him that was texting. He suggested that if things were as good as they claimed, maybe we should head over to where they were, but we didn't.




*I'm going off memory since I don't have the actual texts, so many of these aren't verbatim, and I'm probably forgetting a few of them, but you get the point.