Wanna be a baller, shot caller, twenty inch blades on the Impala

I've recently come to the conclusion that I can no longer shop for Togers.  He's 16, and like most 16 year olds these days, dresses kinda like a douche.

He claims he's in style.  I have my doubts.  Maybe I'm just old, but whatever.  My point is, I had to make sure he put together a Christmas list so that I didn't purchase something that he didn't want or wouldn't wear.

He created a wish list out of photos he found online and put them in a folder on my desktop.  Here are its contents:

Not a bad wishlist if I do say so myself.

Santa's sweaty and he smells like beer

I've got nothing. So once again I'm going to resort to potty humor. Here's my list of inappropriate Christmas songs:

I Saw Mommy Humping Santa Claus

Jingle Ball Rock

Frosty the Crackhead

I'm Dreaming Of A White Hooker

Angels We Have Heard Are High (on meth)

Rudolf the Racist Reindeer

Silver Balls

I Came Upon A Midnight Clear

Like eating glass

Friend (who had been waiting curbside while I dropped a package off at the UPS store): What took you so long?

Me: It was crazy in there.

Friend: It didn't look like there were that many people.

Me: Well, let's see. First there was the lady who wanted to ship a bunch of gift bags, but couldn't understand that they needed to be packaged into a box first. The lady spent five minutes showing her how to do it, explaining that she'd have to take it out of the store to package it, weighing it to get an estimate on the cost only to have the lady say, "I'll need to check with my sister first to see what she wants to do. She's the one that's paying for it."

Me: Then there was the lady who wanted to insure her package through priority mail, but didn't realize that it's not a post office, so they can't insure it unless you send it through UPS. She ended up shipping it via UPS, but it took her forever to make up her mind.

Me: Then there was the guy who didn't speak any English. He kept trying to talk to the clerks in Spanish, but neither of them spoke it. They were trying to tell him that the person who spoke Spanish would be back in thirty minutes, but he didn't understand them, and they didn't know how to tell him that in Spanish.

Friend: So did you tell him?

Me: No. Fuck that. I don't have anywhere near that much holiday spirit.