I took out a loan on my empty heart babe, I took out a loan on my impatient soul

Man, I hate creditors.

Allow me to explain.

Yesterday I got a call from a collections agency notifying me that I was twelve days past due in making a loan payment. I was positive that I'd sent the payment to them well in advance of its due date, but checked my bank records just to make sure. I had. They'd even cashed the check, so I called them back to find out why I hadn't received proper credit.

Operator: What can I help you with today?

Me: I'm calling to see why I haven't yet received credit for the last payment I sent in.

Operator: I'm showing that we recently received a payment of [half the amount], and the outstanding balance is [half the amount].

Me: That's not correct. I mailed a check for [full amount], and my bank records show that you guys cashed it.

Operator: Oh. I see what happened. So you want us to credit the full amount to the loan? I'll go ahead and do that for you now. And don't worry, I'll make sure this doesn't affect your credit score in any way.

Me: Thank you.

What I wanted to say: Are you fucking kidding me you stupid motherfuckers? Why would I send in a payment and only want you to apply half of it to the balance of the loan? Did you think I wanted you and a co-worker to go ahead and treat yourselves to a nice lunch with the rest? How stupid can you be?

Seriously, don't ever do business with Key Bank.

Like eating glass

Friend (who had been waiting curbside while I dropped a package off at the UPS store): What took you so long?

Me: It was crazy in there.

Friend: It didn't look like there were that many people.

Me: Well, let's see. First there was the lady who wanted to ship a bunch of gift bags, but couldn't understand that they needed to be packaged into a box first. The lady spent five minutes showing her how to do it, explaining that she'd have to take it out of the store to package it, weighing it to get an estimate on the cost only to have the lady say, "I'll need to check with my sister first to see what she wants to do. She's the one that's paying for it."

Me: Then there was the lady who wanted to insure her package through priority mail, but didn't realize that it's not a post office, so they can't insure it unless you send it through UPS. She ended up shipping it via UPS, but it took her forever to make up her mind.

Me: Then there was the guy who didn't speak any English. He kept trying to talk to the clerks in Spanish, but neither of them spoke it. They were trying to tell him that the person who spoke Spanish would be back in thirty minutes, but he didn't understand them, and they didn't know how to tell him that in Spanish.

Friend: So did you tell him?

Me: No. Fuck that. I don't have anywhere near that much holiday spirit.

The ghost of you lingers

My graduating class recently had the 15 year reunion. I didn't go because the brilliant minds who organized it held it on a Wednesday night. (Seriously, who holds something like that on a weekday?) In the weeks leading up to the reunion, one of my old friends from high school took the lead at setting up a web site for our class. I grew up in a small town, so there are only around 70 people to list, so it's not unmanageable.

The guy who set up the site is a prime example of why I hate politicians though. I'm not sure exactly what he does, but he lives in Washington D.C. and works for one of the senators or congressmen for the state of Utah. I can't remember which. I just remember being annoyed at our 10 year reunion when he asked if I was a "good biologist or a bad biologist." When I asked what he meant by that he responded, "Well, do you think the endangered species act is a good thing?" Knowing that he was conservative, I just said, "I guess that makes me a bad biologist in your eyes because I do think it's a good thing."

One of our former classmates died about a year after we graduated, or maybe it was that summer. I didn't know him all that well, I just remember hearing that he had drowned and thinking that it was sad that he was so young. Someone else from my class alerted Politics Guy to the fact that this guy had passed, so Politics Guy put this on the site he set up for the class:

His death was reported by another classmate. If you have details on his passing, please e-mail [Politics Guy] ASAP -- especially if he's still alive. But then knowing [The Deceased] (if he's alive), he might find it humorous to read about his own death. Thanks!

That last part really annoyed me. Yeah, [Politics Guy], you obviously knew [The Deceased] quite well. You know, since he's been dead nearly FIFTEEN YEARS and you didn't even know.

I'm only happy when it rains

Yesterday I walked outside my office and felt myself cheer up a little when I looked at the sky and saw that things were about to get miserable. Once it started raining I felt even better knowing that others were probably upset about it.

How's that for altruism?