While we're on the subject can we change the subject now?

I didn't want the women who are complete idiots to feel left out by not getting dating advice, so I've compiled a list of things not to do when you're with a man.

Native Minnow's Dating Advice (Part Deux)
When you're with a man you should never . . .
. . . play with your boobs.
. . . play with the obese man on the train's* boobs.
. . . wax your ass.
. . . remove stains from your unmentionables.
. . . pumice your callouses.
. . . get liposuction.
. . . watch porn of your ex-boyfriend.
. . . punch your baby.
. . . talk about the restraining order you had to get for your ex.
. . . brandish a knife.
. . . cut on yourself.
. . . attempt to murder someone.
. . . consume afterbirth.
. . . insert yogurt filled tampons to get rid of your yeast infection.
. . . freeze off your genital warts.
. . . whip your dick out.



*Or on the bus.

It's a dead man's party

Friend: I don't know if it happened here or if it happened somewhere else, but I saw on the news last night that some guy took his wife to a haunted house and then tried to kill her.

Me: That's crazy! Did it happen here?

Friend: I don't know if it happened here or somewhere else.

Me: Oh. I suppose that's why you prefaced that with "I don't know if it happened here or if it happened somewhere else . . ."

Friend: Yeah, probably.

I'm such a good listener.