No, no, no she don't think straight

For some reason I was reminded of this story yesterday, and since I have nothing else to say I'll relate it to you now for your reading pleasure.

Most semesters I have assistants who sign up to help me teach in exchange for college credit, and the hopes of getting a letter of recommendation when it comes time for them to apply for medical/dental/graduate school. About a year ago I had assistants for every section I taught, which is usually a very good thing. It saves me a lot of time from grading quizzes and such, but during this semester I had a guy who really got on my nerves. We'll go ahead and call him The Most Annoying Human Being on the Planet.

As if it wasn't bad enough that I had to deal with The Most Annoying Human Being on the Planet once a week, he was constantly bothering me to help me out with my research, all with the intent of being able to say he had research experience so that he could get into medical school (not that he has a chance in hell of that happening) and not because he's interested in doing research. I kept telling him that I didn't have anything for him to do, I even flat out told him that I would not be hiring him to help me under any circumstances, but it didn't stop him from asking. The truth is, I'd put more faith in a monkey to get my work done right than I would with this guy. In addition to all of this, he had a monster crush on one of the girls who had signed up to assist me in a different section, but she was too nice to tell him to bugger off (She's not British, I just wanted to use that phrase).

One of the responsibilities of these assistants is that they have to pick a day that they are going to cover the lecture, so she wanted to come to one of my earlier labs on the day she was supposed to teach so that she could get a feel for how to structure her presentation. It just so happened that she could only make it to the section where The Most Annoying Human Being on the Planet was going to be at, but she decided just to grit her teeth and make it through it just so she wouldn't feel so unprepared when it was her turn.

When she showed up that morning, The Most Annoying Human Being on the Planet and I were setting up for that day's lab, and she sat down and talked to us while we did. After sitting there for a few minutes she looked at me and said, "You really smell nice today. What are you wearing?" The problem was that I wasn't wearing anything, it was The Most Annoying Human Being on the Planet's cologne that she liked, and he began beaming with pride that she liked the way he smelled. She was mortified because she figured that had only fueled his crush on her, and she was probably right.

So of course, I had to make fun of her for the rest of the semester for coming on to The Most Annoying Human Being on the Planet. I even told a few of her friends about it so that they could tease her as well. In fact, as soon as I thought of the story yesterday I sent her an email about it, even though it's the first contact we've had in five or six months. I'm such a jerk.