Robot Parade

I have a fairly recent Christmas tradition of crashing flieswithoutwings' Christmas Eve plans and bugging him and his wife while they try to get their kids in bed and put presents out. I try to get out of their hair early on Christmas morning 1) so they can open their presents in peace, and 2) because I have my own kids to watch tear into their presents.

Two years ago it didn't work out all that smoothly because I started the car to get the heater going, then walked back inside to get the rest of my stuff only to return to the car and find my doors locked with the motor on. They stopped unwrapping presents until we found a locksmith that was open and could come out and break into my car for me. It forced my kids to wait an extra hour or so before they could open anything, and I think the suspense just about killed them. Probably the worst part of that story is that I paid the guy his $60 fee, and didn't even think to include a tip until he was two blocks away. I still feel badly about that.

I have to say that I'm very grateful to Flieswithoutwings and his wife for letting me sleep there as it prevents me from having to sleep on my ex-wife's couch. She and I get along well and all, but I've done it before and it feels pretty strange. Anyway, this year I even ended up extending my stay with Mr. and Mrs. Flieswithoutwings for an extra day (after my kids had gone to bed on Christmas night).

When I woke up this morning I got to see all the toys his kids got for Christmas. There were some pretty cool ones to say the least. Toys that my kids would probably wish I had seen while I was shopping, but I guess there's always next year. One that his oldest got was a robot mask with a voice changer. He seemed to like it quite a bit as it was one of the few toys I actually saw him playing with. As he was wearing it and talking, Flieswithoutwings told him to say "Never underestimate the power of the mole people." He did.

Me: Can I teach him to say bite my shiny metal ass?
Flieswithoutwings: Probably not. But you could probably get away with kiss my surprisingly firm butt.

Not one to be easily dissuaded, I tried again later:

Me: How about if I teach him to say 'Fine, I'll go build my own theme park. With blackjack. And hookers. In fact, forget the theme park.'
Flieswithoutwings: Is that another Bender quote?
Me: It most certainly is.
Flieswithoutwings: Well, it could have just been from the guy who first settled Las Vegas.

I don't know why he was worried about what I might teach his son. Later, when his son and I were the only two in the room, I overheard him pretending to talk to someone (in his robot voice of course) and threaten to kick them in the nuts.