Girls and boys in school

Today I took Togers to his new school and got him registered for classes.  When we finished, I texted Tortellini.

Me:  [Togers] is going to have a busy year:  driver's ed, careers, law enforcement, guitar, computer technology, Spanish, physics, language arts, geometry, financial literacy, sociology, lifetime fitness, consumer health.

Tortellini:  Why does he have 12 classes?

Me:  That's just how he rolls.

Me:  Some of them are only for one semester, so the second semester has a different group.

Tortellini:  Oh, that's cool that he's taking a guitar class though.

Me:  I think he'll have a fun year.  He's already impressed with the number of cute girls ;-)

Tortellini:  Hahaha.  Of course.  I hope he has a good year too!  He's a freaking Junior.  That's crazy to me.

Me:  Crazy to me too.  Crazier that you're out on your own.  I feel old!

Tortellini:  You are not old.  I mean . . . you are . . but not compared to most parents with an 18 year old.

Me:  You're not helping!

Hola, my good friend

A few weeks ago, my friends and I got some free sombreros while we were out on a Friday night. Mine has been in my car ever since.

Even this weekend, with the trunk full of bags for our weekend trip to my sister's wedding, the sombrero has stayed in the car. Togers was going to wear it to the wedding reception, but forgot.

Yesterday, on our way to my parents' house, Tortellini put it on.



She joked, "If I wore this in Arizona, we'd get pulled over."

Not only that, she'd probably also be deported since she has no form of identification yet.

The sun is a mass of incandescent gas a giant nuclear furnace

Tortellini's interpretation* of why it never rains here in Vegas:



I think she's onto something.









*I need to get that girl some real software so she can start designing shirts on threadless. Perhaps she could pay for college that way.

I tremble they're gonna eat me alive if I stumble

Ladies and Gentlemen, from the notebook of Tortellini, I give you . . . Mr. Yum Yum!



Don't let him ruin your Easter Sunday!

Smoke a cigarette and smile

Every morning when I drop Tortellini off at school there are groups of kids standing on the street and smoking. As I pulled up to the curb this morning we passed by one of these groups.

Me: Should I have dropped you off with the smoker kids?

Tortellini: No.

Me: Are you sure? That one guy looked kinda hot.

Tortellini: Yeah. And he's gay.

Have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'

Today I drove to my parents' house for the holiday weekend. We got a later start than we wanted, so I ended up stopping at a Wendy's about an hour away from there to feed my kids. Once we got back in the car and headed a few miles down the road I had the following conversation with my daughter:

Tortellini: It's good that we're not eating chicken tomorrow.

Me: Why's that?

Tortellini: Because it makes me sick.

Me: If that's the case, then why did you just order a chicken sandwich? Retard!

Tortellini: Um, because it looked good?

She's got to be strong to fight them, so she's taking lots of vitamins

Tortellini showed me some of the drawings she's done at school. Not in art class, mind you, but in her other classes. Presumably when she's either supposed to be listening to the teacher, or working on homework.

Doodles in Science:


Doodles in Study Skills:


I'd say they're pretty good. She almost gives me and Flieswithoutwings a run for our money. Almost. I'm particularly fond of the Skittles shooting cannon in the first drawing.