There's an ember in the rafters and it's going to burn the whole thing down

Has it really been a year and a half since our last bonfire at the dry lake bed? Well, not anymore. We fixed that this weekend.

My friend and I were hanging out at a bar beforehand, and one of the servers asked us if we wanted to stick around after her shift so she could hang out with us. We told her we couldn't, because we were going to have a bonfire in the desert. She asked, "A bonfire? How old are you guys again?"

It doesn't matter how old you are. There's always a good time to be had when there's a bonfire involved.

A few highlights of the evening:

Someone tied glow sticks onto their shoes and took off running across the lake bed. I'll admit, it was kind of cool to see green lights bobbing up and down out in the darkness. It was even better when someone else ran out there and tackled the first person, what with the lights flying up in the air and all.

Okay, so maybe that was a little juvenile. Whatevs.

At one point someone started talking about a documentary they had seen about people who have sex with horses. Why anyone would watch such a documentary is beyond me, but even if I did watch, I'd keep it to myself.

One couple brought a some bags of beef jerky, and a bag of pup-peroni for their dog. I got the bags confused at least three different times. Luckily, the texture was different, so I didn't end up eating any doggie snacks.

Probably the funniest part of the night came when a girl told me, at knifepoint, to "get on the fucking car" so she could have her way with me. She didn't though. I don't know whether I should feel relieved, or extremely disappointed by that.

Eventually, the wind started blowing sand all over the place. Not to exaggerate at all, but it was basically just like the sand storm from The Mummy. My friend and I left at that point. It was probably for the best since i didn't crawl into bed and fall asleep until about 4 a.m. I was hoping to sleep in, but then I got a missed call from Tortellini around 7:45. My phone kept buzzing until I acknowledged that, so I called back to see what she wanted. She wanted to know if Grandma had a recipe for ginger spice cookies. Being the great father that I am I said, "I don't know. Don't you think you should call and ask Grandma instead?"

No word as to whether or not she got the recipe.

Black souls in the desert

A few things I learned while at the dry lake bed last weekend:

- My car will go at least 105 mph.
- Driving 105 mph on a road at night isn't safe when there are rabbits jumping out in front of you.
- I no longer have the heart to run over rabbits that jump out in front of me.
- Not all drivers can go on rocky roads without getting high centered.
- I can.
- My car can even go offroad.
- I know better than to drive my car across the desert.
- That doesn't always stop me from doing it.
- Creosote bush grows far enough apart that my car can fit between the bushes.
- Teenagers like to race across dry lake beds at night.
- So do I.
- That doesn't make me a redneck.
- Or a teenager.
- Drinking champagne straight out of the bottle = classy.
- Drunk people are really easy to amuse.
- Nerds are fun to mock.
- Chips Ahoy chocolate chunk cookies are a big hit with the drunk bonfire crowd.
- Fire can even make me tolerate some of the people I can't stand to be around.

Born on a desert floor you've got the deepest thirst

I spent the bulk of Friday night out at the dry lake bed. Unlike last time, we didn't have a good old fashioned book burning, but we did have fun, even if we were killing diapause eubranchiopod embryos.

Here's what the carnage looked like:



Fire is cool.

Well I hadn't noticed but the people really noticed that they really didn't want us around

Last week we had our annual Valley of Fire campout. I'll spare you most of the details, but thought I'd give you the following examples of why the people I work with are hilarious.

Example 1
Guy 1: How long's it been since you last shaved?
Me: I don't know. Two or three days.
Guy 1: It looks like a pre-pubescent mustache on a kid.
Guy 2: He wishes!

Example 2
Guy 1: Look helicopters. I guess the strippers are finally here.
Me: I wish. Two helicopters full of strippers showing up would probably be the best thing that's ever happened in my life.
Guy 2: Yeah, it probably would.

Example 3
Or you get to hear exchanges such as this:
"I believe it."
"Yeah, but you're mormon. You'll believe anything."

Example 4
Or this:
I'm* gonna chili-whip your ass





*Happens to be one of the most 'proper' people I've ever met

We'll build a bonfire with whatever's dry

Last night a group of us went to a dry lake bed south of town and had a big bonfire. I got there much later than everyone else, so I missed the good old fashioned book burning, but still had a great time. I pretty much have fun any time I'm able to sit and watch stuff burn.

At one point during the night, one of the girls that was there was starting to tire out, so she wrapped herself in a blanket, sat by the fire and began to doze off. Shortly after that someone else came along and threw a wood pallet on the fire to get the flames good and high again. Some of the flames were getting a little too close to her blanket, so I pointed that out to her boyfriend.

Me: I think your girlfriend's a little too close to the fire.
Him: Yeah?
Me: Yeah. You might want to have a talk with her. I think her exact words were "I'd rather light myself on fire than spend another night with [him]."
Him: Is that so?
Me: Yeah, and you know what else?
Him: What?
Me: She's not the only one.