Let's start at the beginning, let's go back to square one, I never loved you, I've never loved anyone

Remember that ridiculous Vegas wedding I attended a few years ago? The one where everyone dressed up like pimps? The one with a porno actress in attendance? (Come to think of it, I may have neglected to mention that when I blogged about it before.) Well, my sister came across a calendar featuring said porn actress. Of course she bought it. Of course she mailed it to me. Of course I'm blogging about it.

If you had told me it was possible to make a lingerie/swimsuit calendar with zero negative sex appeal when I was younger, I'd have thought you were insane. Yet, somehow, this exists:

January

February

March

April

May

June

July

August

September

October

November

December


There were actually two that she sent. One was for me, one was for a friend of hers that was also at the wedding. She told me to pick my "favorite" and send the other on to him. It rained the day they were delivered. So I kept this one, not because I liked it best, but because several of the pages were stuck together, and I couldn't have her friend thinking he'd been the unwilling recipient of a "used" calendar.

I'll go away now.

But still it's been written, a history of lovers, given and taken in ink

My ex-wife called the other day to let me know that Togers was the recipient of the "loverboy" award at his end of year band concert.

She told me that his teacher said he probably would've gone out with more girls, but there weren't any he hadn't already dated.

This is what I want to do to him* for not sharing his secrets with his old man.










*Not really, but kinda