I can see you in the window of your favorite corner bar, but to reach you is just too far

Occasionally a person comes across an idea that is not their own, but is just too good to not try and pass it off as their own. Now is one of those times. I'm the one doing the swiping. Mostly* because this new item is going to be a big hit with frat boys everywhere, and thus has the potential to make me rich.

People, now is the time for you to open up your wallets so that you can purchase your very own pair of Poonoculars^TM! What exactly are Poonoculars^TM you ask? Poonoculars^TM are a very special brand of binoculars** which are used for the sole purpose of checking out women. Get yours today!

Once you've made your purchase, your life as a lecherous human being will be improved a hundredfold. You'll be able to take your Poonoculars^TM to the beach. Take them to the pool. Or to the high rise next to your neighborhood modeling agency. Hell, you can even take your Poonoculars^TM with you to work (this works especially well if you work on, or near, a college campus, or next door to a hospital full of naughty nurses). Just make sure that you don't leave your Poonoculars^TM out after hours or the custodians might be tempted to swipe them.***





* Also because the friend who brought me AIDS back from Mexico doesn't have a blog, so there's no other way to pass his hilarious term on to you.

** The idea's obviously been around for a while. I have a friend who used to have a third floor apartment right above his complex's swimming pool, so he kept a pair on the living room window sill. But the terminology wasn't right for mass marketing. Until now.

*** Because after all, custodians like to ogle women too.

New Words

I was really tired today. I don't know why. I got plenty of sleep last night, and spent all day studying (ok, maybe that's the reason). I'm hoping that it's just a result of my tired state, and not that I'm just losing brain cells, but I misspoke a couple of times today. I think I must have rubbed off a little on my friend, because he ended up doing so as well. Throughout the course of the day we came up with some new words that I'm going to define here.

• Literically - a descriptive term used in the rare occasions when a person is speaking both literally and metaphorically at the same time.
• Embertainment - what it is called when someone passes the time by staring at the flames of a fire.
• Misabbreviate - this happens when someone tries to shorten a word by abbreviating it, but shorten it to an abbreviation that actually means something completely different (e.g. if you try to shorten the word misters to mrs.).

Yes, we actually spoke these words in conversation. And yes, we're both Ph D students.