Ain't no right

I have a friend who likes to twist things that we say around to imply that we are gay. Shocking, I know, but you literally can't say anything around this guy that could be used a different way without him pointing it out. I'm not complaining. I think it's funny, and I do the same thing.

One time my friend said something suggesting that something someone had said made them gay (great attention to detail, I know), and another of my friends turned to him and said, "I'm surprised by the amount of gay stuff comes out of your mouth."

That cracked me up. I still use it as a comeback from time to time. However, it's not my favorite line to use. My favorite one comes from a boxing match a few years back. I don't even remember who the fighters were now, but I remember that in the weeks leading up to the fight, one of them kept implying that the other was gay. Before the fight, at the weigh in, this guy said something about it again. The other boxer responded with something like, "I'm not gay. Bring your sister over here right now and I'll prove it." That comment started a pre-fight brawl. It was awesome.

So, when my friend tells me that something I said makes me gay, I use the boxer's response. If there's one thing I'm very capable of doing, it's beating a joke into the ground*, but it doesn't start any brawls when I say it.

Yesterday I went Christmas shopping with my friend. He said something to me, and I responded, but this time I tweaked it a little. I said, "I'm not gay. Bring your niece over here right now and I'll prove it."

Somehow that took it to a whole new level of creepiness.





*For example, ever since seeing National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation when I was in high school my response to "Where does this go?" or "Where am I supposed to put that?" has been "Bend over and I'll show you."