I know it's the holidays, and I'm supposed to be filled with the Christmas spirit and all, but this year it's just not happening for me*.
To the girl at the soda machine at Chipotle:
GET YOUR DRINK FIRST, THEN YOU CAN RESPOND TO YOUR TEXT MESSAGES. YOU'RE HOLDING UP THE LINE. WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S NOT THAT IMPORTANT OR ELSE IT WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN SENT IN A TEXT IN THE FIRST PLACE. IT CAN WAIT A FEW MORE SECONDS.
To the really nice blonde girl:
NOBODY IS AS NICE AND BUBBLY AS YOU. KNOCK IT OFF, IT'S CREEPY AND WEIRD!
To the kid who got me a drink of water and then said that in return I owed him a Christmas present:
I WAS THINKING ABOUT GETTING YOU SOMETHING, UNTIL YOU SAID THAT. SERIOUSLY, WHO ASKS EVERYBODY THEY KNOW FOR A CHRISTMAS PRESENT? (Yes, I heard about you calling another friend of mine and asking her if she was going to buy you one too.) YOU'RE A GREEDY BASTARD.
To the guy who kept talking to the screen at the movie theater:
IT'S A DAMN MOVIE! THE ACTORS CAN'T HEAR YOU. THE AUDIENCE DOESN'T WANT TO HEAR YOU. WE KNOW SHE'S A COLD BITCH. WE JUST SAW HER DO THE SAME THING ON SCREEN THAT YOU DID. WE DON'T NEED YOU TO TELL US. WE'RE NOT RETARDED, WE GET IT. SHUT UP!!!
MERRY FREAKING CHRISTMAS!
*As opposed to my five year old who is full of Christmas spirit. He's been asking everyone he knows for their spare change so that he can buy coats for kids that don't have them. So far he's collected about $70.
6 comments:
Well "HO F*CKING HO" to you Mr Minnow. Your little boy sounds like a beautiful young man and even though you're grumpy, I'm sure you can take some of the credit for that :)
Come on, give us a little smile, you know you want to...... Have a good one.
I'm not really full of the holiday spirit, either....
Read my blog at a later time.
that happens to me -- last year I had not one ounce of spirit.
this year, i am bursting with it, and started listening to carols BEFORE thanksgiving.
that is also a little creepy.
OMG, Minnow, I've never seen you like this...
I like it!!
Hearing the story about your boy makes me want to give him $100 in quarters... all Vegas-y like. He's too precious.
Anyway, hope you get a little more merry, Mr. Crabbypants.
Whatever...I bet your 3-year-old blows the money on crack and crack whores...
This is EXACTLY why I love you...and why I want to kidnap your children :-)
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