Things that people have suggested that I do while staying in my friends' house:
- Eat all their candy.
- Sit on their couch naked.
- Shart on their pillows after eating beef stew.
- Kill the cat that meows all the time.
- Rub stay hard cream* in every pair of my friend's underwear.
- Give stay hard cream to the cats** in lieu of their hairball medication.
So far I've only been working on the first one. It looks as though I'm up for a busy weekend.
*Not meant to imply that he has (or needs) any stay hard cream. I was told to pick some up because that would be funny. If I thought it would actually work, I'd be a lot more tempted to do it.
**Too bad only one of them is male, and he doesn't need hairball medication.
12 comments:
Shart? What, are you from the Battlestar Galactica or something?
That's just nasty btw. Although I wouldn't mind a few dead cats.
Before you leave, I say you Saran Wrap all the toilets, put KY on the wiper blades, find a piece of furniture that you can Armor-All (or even the car seat), and sign your friend up for a free sample of EnZyte. (I LOVE me some Smilin' Bob!)
BUTT ... only do these if you're a smart-ass like I am, and your friends have a wicked sense of humor.
(I'd still get the Stay Hard Cream ... put it in her drawer with a note saying, "Just in case")
And don't forget to record a new outgoing answerphone message, that's always a winner.
And super glue a few quarters to the tile.
oh that is just good times - whatever it is you have to tell us what you end up doing!
Get them some Anal-ease... :)
OMG remind me never to ask any of you below me to housesit for me. Of course you could do all those things but just keep in mind that you may have to get them to housesit for you one day in the future. Payback is a bitch.
Stay hard cream? Is there really such a thing? Fantastic....send me a couple of boxes would you Minnow....ya know....just in case.
Remove motor intact from washing machine. Set aside. Splay random assortment of tools, nuts, bolts, wires, etc... on floor and leave note saying "Trying to fix".
This is especially helpful if your friend has no clue what a washing machine motor looks like.
kill the kitty. thinking about the stay hard cream...im wondering how that might work on the face....like a mini face lift im thinking....nice and taut. grrrrerhahaha
You're not going to use the opportunity to have raucous sex with some random girl in every room of the house because you finally don't have a roommate there to listen to (and watch) you....you know how I know you're gay????
so this stay hard cream you mention....
STAY HARD CREAM ~ it really works! My boss told me so. You know...I'm aging and in dire need of a facelift. I think I'll have to borrow some from him and try it on my face. Care to join me?!
JG
Post a Comment