So hot, so cold

Girl Who Won't Be My Girlfriend: You're hot as a biologist.

Me: As a biologist?

GWWBMG: And you're hot as a Ph. D.

Me: Why can't I just be hot, without the qualifiers?

GWWBMG: Because there are certain things you wouldn't be hot as. You wouldn't be hot as a waiter.


Great. I guess that means I'm biology hot.

Above your eyes your hair hangs

I'm in dire need of a haircut. However, I can't cut it until I decide what I want to do with it. I've been growing it out for a few months, and it seems like a wasted effort if I go back to having it cut short.

That said, I'm at a point where I need to do something because it's starting to look like I'm growing a mullet. And despite what these guys might think, nobody looks good in a mullet.

So last night I asked a girl I know (who works as a hair stylist) if I could get some hair advice from her. She said yes, and asked me to take my hat off so she could have a look.

I did.

She took a quick look and said, "I don't know what you want to do, but you need to cut that shit. Like, tomorrow. At the latest."

A boy who's so drunk he doesn't talk

Friday night I went with some friends to a gay bar.

It was my first time being in such an establishment.

I made it through the night without anyone hitting on me.

I don't know whether I should be relieved, or if I should feel rejected.

See that girl in the cat black dress, she'll love a man if he's had success

The other night before I got the call about my daughter I was talking to my friend about whether she'd heard back from a soccer player she had met who had shown interest in her.

Her: No. I think I ruined it by telling him I was moving in January.
Me: You think so?
Her: Yeah. But oh well, my loss. Wait. I mean, his loss, right?
Me: Right.
Her: It's too bad, because he was hot.
Me: Yeah?
Her: Yeah. But he knows it too, which is kind of a bad thing. It even says so on his web site.
Me: What does his web page say?
Her: It says not only does [Soccer Player] play for Team [LA club], he also plays for Team Good Looking.
Me: Is he being serious though, or is he like me . . .
Her: No. He really is good looking.

I'm more than a bird, I'm more than a plane, more than some pretty face beside a train

Yesterday one of my co-workers was walking down the hall in our building while looking down at a piece of paper in her hand. Of course, since she was distracted, I couldn't let the opportunity pass. I ran up and startled her by acting like I was going to slap her.

After her initial reaction of jumping back, she elbowed me in the stomach. Luckily, I saw it coming and had time to flex my stomach muscles and avoid having the wind knocked out of me. She wasn't quite so lucky. She hurt her elbow.

She looked at her elbow, then at my stomach, and said with a tone of shock in her voice, "You have stomach muscles!?"

Mr. Horrible

One of my students emailed me the other day to find out if/when she could pick up her final exam. In her email she also let me know that someone from this last session had posted a bad review of me on ratemyprofessors.com. Of course, I had to go read it (I usually check in at the end of a semester anyway, just to see what the kids have to say). She was right. This person wasn't very happy.

"Well, I took his summer [introductory biology course] and I don't know if I learned enough. This teacher isn't that good and he picks favors. Also he will give answers for the exam for some people he likes ( I mean he cheats to favor the people he likes). Avoid him. He is terrible. I got an A in his class, but the teacher sucks. He should be teaching high school kids."

I'm not exactly sure where the accusation of cheating "to favor the people I like" comes from. Maybe they meant to say that, when I can, I clarify exam questions for those who raise their hand with questions during a test. Or maybe they mean that I tell the people who actually attend lecture some things that are guaranteed to be on the exam, especially when it's something that's not in the text, just to make sure that they write it down and study it.

This was the first negative review of me that someone's posted on that site (there was one other, but that was posted by my roommate's son, so it doesn't count), but apparently this student wasn't the only one who felt this way, because someone else posted this comment later:

"AVOID THIS TEACHER. He cannot teach, his tests are hard and he picks favor. He thinks that he is the super hot guy, but I heard he got 5 kids. He is ugly and I don't think he is hot. I didn't learn anything from him. Horrible. AVOID HIM"

Oh yeah, my tests are hard. Hard enough to make people cry, haven't you heard? Nevermind the fact that the averages are usually exactly where they should be (if not higher than they should be), and that someone nearly always was able to score 100%. My favorite part is the middle though. Here, read it again:

"He thinks that he is the super hot guy, but I heard he got 5 kids. He is ugly and I don't think he is hot."

Hilarious! I don't think I'm "the super hot guy," because if I were, it stands to reason that I'd be getting a lot of ladies, right? Since that doesn't happen, I'm forced to face the cold reality that I am not "the super hot guy." However, even if I did think that, wouldn't the fact that I "got 5 kids" help prove it? After all, that would mean someone slept with me at least 5 times (well, maybe less than that if there were twins, triplets or quintuplets involved).

I also love how the second person just echoed the first person's sentiments, which really comes across as if they're saying, "Hi, I'm incapable of an original thought, so I'm just going to repeat what someone else has already said, complete with misspellings and poor grammar, and then add a personal attack because I'm mad that I got a bad* grade."




* Just making an assumption here since by this person's own admission, they didn't learn anything from me.