For they have no treasure of their own

You may find this hard to believe, but not every conversation I have with my friends is about oral sex and/or boobs. Sometimes we talk about grown up things. Not very often, but sometimes. For instance, the past few days the sad state of our economy seems to be coming up a lot. It was bad enough when the Canadian dollar finally caught up (and then surpassed) the US dollar. But, did you know that the dollar is even losing ground to the rupee now? The rupee! That's not even real money. That's video game money. (All you have to do to get a rupee is lift a rock, break a pot, cut some long grass, kill a sand crab, etc.)

Then there's the collapse of the housing market. Thanks to the shady practices of lenders (and the failure of a lot of borrowers to read the fine print), that's a problem that has no end in sight. One of my friends pointed out that there should have been more government oversight through all this. Particularly when all the companies who believe in a free market economy when they're making profits feel the government ought to step in when they're in the red (here's looking at you Bear Stearns and Delta Airlines). Even FDIC officials are bankers, so they're not really going to change anything with the way banks are operating.

Friend 1: There was quite a vicious article about all this stuff in one of the Swiss newspapers.
Me: Puh-lease. What do the Swiss know about banking?
Friend 2: Or being vicious for that matter?

What? You can't expect me to keep it serious for too long, can you?

Starfuckers, Inc.

My brother, Dr. Psycho, told me a little while ago that he might be picking up some contract work from a rehab center that a lot of rich people and celebrities go to.

Now, it's probably not the most ethical thing, but I told him to try and set me up with the next Hollywood starlet that comes through. It doesn't even matter who it is really, as long as she's rich and famous. Lindsay Lohan? Britney Spears? Check and check. Those girls aren't really what I'd consider to be my "type," but then again, I'm shallow, so them being rich would be enough for a while. Just once I'd like to experience receiving a Ferrari for a birthday or Christmas present.

I'd totally be ok with being the next Kevin Federline.

I've got something to say, I killed your baby today, doesn't matter much to me as long as it's dead

This past week was the one where my students dissect a fetal pig. Part of the dissection includes identifying all the parts to the reproductive system for both male and female pigs. In one of my labs there was only one group that had a male pig. They were nervous about ruining something, particularly because the rest of the class needed to look at their pig, so I told them I'd help them with that part, mainly because I was afraid they'd ruin something too, and then I'd have to cut open a whole new pig. As I started cutting, they started talking about one of the radio morning shows here in town.

Girl: So, they were talking on the radio today and asked the question, "What would you do for a million bucks?"
Me: I'll tell you right now, there's not a lot I wouldn't do for a million dollars.
Girl: Really?
Me: Yeah. That's a lot of money.
Girl: They were coming up with all sorts of things on the radio. Like, would you punch your Grandma in the face?
Me: Hmmmmm. It sounds harsh, but I probably would. I'd feel bad about it, but I'd give her some of the money later and she'd forgive me.
Girl: Would you make out with one of your parents for at least ten seconds?
Me: For a million bucks? I would.
Girl: Even if it was your dad?
Me: Yeah, but I doubt he would.
Girl: That's so disgusting.
Me: You're talking to a guy with a pig's penis in his hand. And I'm doing that for a whole lot less.

I'm such a whore.

Where do you shop?

My rich uncle: "Those who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop."

See, I told you so.

Money doesn't buy happiness?

You hear people say that all the time, but my take is that it sure can't hurt if you have it. At least I wouldn't think so. There are a lot of kids in my family, so we kind of grew up poor. We never went without the basic stuff, but Santa wasn't exactly dumping his sleigh at our house every Christmas either. It doesn't upset me, I'm happy having the brothers and sisters that I have and wouldn't trade my relationships with them for all the video game systems in the world.

It's funny though, because you hear rich people say all the time that money doesn't buy happiness, yet as one of my friends used to say "That can't be the case because you don't see rich people running around trying to give theirs away." I've always thought that was funny.

The thing that got me thinking about this is that I saw my rich uncle today. He is a pretty important person at a pretty important financial firm. He is in charge of how millions of dollars get allocated in the form of loans to states and cities to fund such projects as the renovation of freeway systems, airport expansions, etc. And he isn't afraid to let people know that. I only saw him for a few minutes today, but in that time he got in the fact that he was playing golf with some senators the other day discussing how to go about rebuilding New Orleans. It seems like every time I see him he's making some statement about how much money he pays in taxes. You know, just in case we had all forgotten that he is in fact rich. I've heard it enough times now that I get annoyed by it. I'm not alone, my parents and some of my siblings have expressed similar feelings. Not that it has the same effect on other members of my family though, it's almost funny to see how much people suck up to him just because he's rich. I even wonder if I do it sometimes (I'll have to ask someone if I ever come across that way).

My aunt once told me that she wished that she could go back to the time when they didn't have much money because that was the happiest they had ever been. I wonder if that's because once you have money, you try really hard to make sure that you keep it. Within the past year I received a settlement check from my former employer resulting from a work related injury which cost me some of the use of my back. I am extremely paranoid about wasting it. I was able to use some of it to finish paying off my car and my credit cards, and have put the rest in the bank. Some where I can get at it when I need to, and some where I can't touch it for the next few years. I'm hoping eventually to be able to use it as a down payment on a house once I'm actually ready to buy one.

Luckily for me I have chosen a career where I will never be considered rich. I'll never have to endure the misery of having a lot of money. In fact, I've remained in college all this time in order to prolong the "happiest time of my life" as much as possible. Ok, so maybe that's not the reason. It turns out that it actually takes a lot of time to finish a Ph D. I'm banking on the fact that loving what you do is more important than what you make. Come back in a few years and I'll let you know if that's the case.