You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

I woke up this morning and went to eat a bowl of cereal. As you know, I'm basically a child when it comes to my diet, so I reached for my box of Reese's Puffs and noticed that my roommate had taken it upon himself to complete a fill-in-the-blank rap on the back of the box.



In case you can't see it on the picture, I've transcribed the text below. The underlined bits are where Roommate filled in the blanks with his lyrics. (Mad-Libs: They're not just for kids anymore!)

My Reese's Puffs Rap

That peanut butter chocolate Mother Fucker
Is the shit that I fuck that makes me cream
Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs, in your bowl, in your bowl

Recognize the taste that I shit on your plate
Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs,
Wow peanut butter chocolate motherfucker

So crucial to my pussy ass vernacular
That peanut butter jizz is oh so spectacular!
Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs

My Reese's Puffs are up in your rectum
Each peanut butter orb is fucking balls deep
Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs, in your bowl
In your bowl. Watch me creep . . . Mother Fucker!



I don't know about you, but I think this baby is going platinum.

I see a red door and I want to paint it black

Here is the painting that captures my "essence" as envisioned by my friend:



Here is the painting that captures my friend's "essence" as envisioned by her husband:



And here is the painting that captures my friend's husband's "essence" as envisioned by me:



Did I mention that we painted these in the children's area of the art museum in L.A.?

Unintentional tape manipulations

Today my class did a lab exercise to learn about probabilities and genetics. Part of the lab activity told them to tape a few colored disks together to simulate the way gametes fuse during fertilization. I brought tape with me to class, but forgot to put it out for the students to use. It wasn't really necessary, and most of the students finished the exercise without it, but one girl really started complaining about my "lack of preparedness."

Her: How are we supposed to finish this if you didn't even bring tape?

Me: I brought tape. It's in my bag. You don't really need it, but I'll go get you some if you want.

Her: I do.

I went and got a roll of tape out of my bag, and tossed it to her lab partner.

Me: Here you go. And while you're at it, why don't you go ahead and use that to tape her mouth shut too?

Adjectives on the typewriter, he moves his words like a prize fighter

I'm slowly but surely revising my dissertation according to comments given to me by my committee members. Four of the five had very little to say about it, but one had a lot of suggested changes. A lot of suggested changes. Some of them were helpful (very few), and others not so much (most), but he refused to sign off on the manuscript, so they're not exactly "suggestions" at this point since I have to go show him that I've made them all before I can his signature and actually graduate.

Since I'm a procrastinator and all, sometimes I like to do things that aren't exactly work, but make me feel as though I've done something productive with my time. A few days after I defended, before I really wanted to think about making the changes themselves, I went through the marked up copies of my dissertation and added all the suggestions from my committee to the electronic document using the 'Track Changes' function in Word. At the end of each comment I put the last name of the committee member who'd made it, so that when I went through to deal with them all, I'd know who to ask if I was confused about what they meant. Since some of the one committee member's many, many comments were not useful (dare I say stupid?), I found myself getting a little annoyed as I added his comments to the electronic file.

A few times I noticed that I'd typed his last name beginning with a lowercase letter. I started to go fix it, but then, in an act of childish behavior, I decided to leave it. I know, right? That sure showed him.

Anyway, he got the last laugh without even knowing it. The reason? As I have been dealing with each of these comments in the revised manuscript, I delete each one. The problem? Each one of the comments where I failed to capitalize his last name now requires an extra step, because I have to acknowledge the grammatical error before Word will allow me to delete the comment. The lesson? Some people are just here to make life difficult for others, even when they're not even trying. That, or that childish behavior doesn't usually give the desired result.