- Harry Potter awakens from a daydream and is pummeled mercilessly by schoolyard bullies for having imaginary friends and playing wizard every day during recess.
- Albus Dumbledore returns from the dead, only to be struck by lightening and killed instantly before he can triumphantly save the day.
- Police raid Gryffindor house and find the biggest meth lab in Britain. Neville Longbottom, the kingpin, gets sentenced to life in Azkaban.
- Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter fly to Massachussetts and get married. They honeymoon on Brokeback Mountain.
- Ron Weasley hands Harry over to the Death Eaters for thirty pieces of silver.
- Severus Snape reveals that he had a torrid love affair with Harry's mom. DNA testing proves that he is Harry's father.
- Harry defeats Voldemort, gets drunk with power, and becomes a tyrannical despot.
- Hermione Granger is introduced to heroin (giving new definition to the term mudblood), contracts HIV from sharing a needle, but dies from an overdose before developing AIDS.
- Harry, Ron and Hermione participate in a menage a trois. The resulting awkwardness causes them to never speak to each other again.
- Voldemort wins.
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Don't try to tell me that power can't corrupt a person, you haven't had enough to know what it's like
I just pre-ordered a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Like many people, I'm excited to see how it all ends. I've been thinking about it, and here are a few surprises that, if included in the story, will result in fans feeling cheated (and would possibly cause rioting in the streets, or at the very least, book burnings).
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11 comments:
You are creative...I should sit around and brainstorm some...Ryan H.
you know, i could see that snape thing happening....i pre-ordered ages ago, can't wait to read it. my co-worker keeps saying harry isgoing to die, like any classic hero-king arthur story. i keep hoping he's wrong.
I wouldn't care if Harry died if he saved his friends...
Isn't that true friendship?
I didn't understand any of that. Dorks.
I was watching Letterman the other night because Spoon was the musical guest. The girl who plays Hermione was the last guest before Spoon came on. I felt really guilty for thinking "Damn, she is hot". How old is she, like 16? I feel like a dirty old man. I like the idea of Harry waking up from a dream and getting his ass kicked. The threesome really bothered me.
Oops! I didn't think about the fact that they're all under age. I guess that means I took it way too far with the threesome joke. Usually when there's a line that shouldn't be crossed, I not only cross it, but have a tendency to jump very far over it.
The reason the threesome part bothered me was an unwanted image of Ron Weasley's weasel and Harry Potter's harry potter. I'm with you about jumping over the line.
My older two have their own set of HP books. My daughter told me the other day that she's read the set three times.
I must be the odd one because I don't seem to get the hype. Maybe I should start reading.
emma watson (hermoine) was born april 15, 1990. so any fantasizing will be legal in less than a year. until then...
I liked this possible ending: Harry, Ron and Hermionie are all eating at a diner. A suspicious death-eater type guy enters and goes into the bathroom, Ginney is out front trying to parrallel park her broom. She finally gets it right heads into the diner, just as the suspicious guy comes out of the bathroom, Harry looks at her and then the last five pages of the book are blank.
AC, that ending sounds strangely familiar. Does that mean that Harry gets whacked?
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