I wanna be where nothing needs to matter

What good is having a blog if one can't periodically use his/her readership to settle disputes? I say no good at all. So, I'm turning to you, dear readers. Today you get to tell me who is right, and who is wrong.

Person 1 thinks that there's a double standard when it comes to going into restrooms of the opposite sex. Women can pull it off. Men can't. Any woman who goes into a men's room might make any men in there uneasy, but it makes for a good story for them to tell. Conversely, any man who goes into a women's room is automatically considered a creep, and runs the risk of being arrested.

Person 2 doesn't think a man would be arrested if he went into a women's restroom.

Who is right?

Now some flowers they never bloom, and some flowers just bloom dead

I don't really see myself ever getting married again, but if that ever changes, I at least now have an easy way to pop the question. All I have to do is leave this lying on the counter somewhere visible.



Who says romance is dead?

Everything skips like a broken record

I'm sitting here getting ready to watch a new South Park episode. I don't know if you're a fan, but in last week's episode Randy Marsh briefly held a world record for taking the world's biggest dump. Well, I might be alone in this, but that's not something for which I'd want to hold a world record. Here are a few other things that I wouldn't want to hold a world record for:

- Largest ingrown toenail
- Longest nostril hair
- Most crayons inserted into any orifice in the body
- Pussiest scab
- Most consecutive days being sprayed in the face by a skunk
- Longest bout of explosive diarrhea
- Largest colony of head lice
- Fewest chest hairs for a 32 year old man*
- Most tooth decay
- Highest amount of injested air with poor people smell
- Most genital warts burned off in one sitting





* I'm pretty sure I already hold this one

Don't try to tell me that power can't corrupt a person, you haven't had enough to know what it's like

I just pre-ordered a copy of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. Like many people, I'm excited to see how it all ends. I've been thinking about it, and here are a few surprises that, if included in the story, will result in fans feeling cheated (and would possibly cause rioting in the streets, or at the very least, book burnings).

• Harry Potter awakens from a daydream and is pummeled mercilessly by schoolyard bullies for having imaginary friends and playing wizard every day during recess.
• Albus Dumbledore returns from the dead, only to be struck by lightening and killed instantly before he can triumphantly save the day.
• Police raid Gryffindor house and find the biggest meth lab in Britain. Neville Longbottom, the kingpin, gets sentenced to life in Azkaban.
• Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter fly to Massachussetts and get married. They honeymoon on Brokeback Mountain.
• Ron Weasley hands Harry over to the Death Eaters for thirty pieces of silver.
• Severus Snape reveals that he had a torrid love affair with Harry's mom. DNA testing proves that he is Harry's father.
• Harry defeats Voldemort, gets drunk with power, and becomes a tyrannical despot.
• Hermione Granger is introduced to heroin (giving new definition to the term mudblood), contracts HIV from sharing a needle, but dies from an overdose before developing AIDS.
• Harry, Ron and Hermione participate in a menage a trois. The resulting awkwardness causes them to never speak to each other again.
• Voldemort wins.

Got a '74 Camaro, I guess that'll do

It's official: My 'new' car is cute! It was declared as such by the girl I had lunch with yesterday. She is also going to be purchasing a new car soon, so she was asking me for advice on how to do it. I gave her a few tips, but qualified them by telling her I probably wasn't the right person to talk to about it. Every time I've purchased a vehicle, even though I've been happy with the vehicles (mostly) and the prices I've paid for them (mostly), I've always felt like I could have spent less than I did if I was better at bargaining. Whether that's the case or not, that's the way I feel. Probably because I don't trust car salesmen (the Bible taught me not to trust snakes). Does anyone?

Why is it that such a large purchase is the only thing where you never quite know how much it's going to cost you until you're actually ready to sign off on the paperwork? If you go to the supermarket to purchase a loaf of bread, you know it's going to cost a certain amount of money. You pick out a loaf, take it to the check-out and pay the pre-determined price. Simple.

If buying bread were like buying a car, it would happen something like this:

Buyer: Yes, I'd like to buy this bread. How much is it?
Seller: How much would you like to spend?
Buyer: I'll give you $2.47 for it.
Seller: Hold on, let me see if I can do that.

*Seller walks into an office for a few minutes and then comes back*

Seller: I can let you have this loaf of bread for the low, low price of $3.89. That's a great deal.
Buyer: That's too much.
Seller: Well, hold on, let me see if I can come down from that at all.

*Seller walks away again, spends a few minutes in the office, and then comes back*

Seller: Ok, I've got a deal worked out where I can let you leave this supermarket with this loaf of bread, and you'll just have to pay 5 installments of $0.75.
Buyer: If I do that I'll end up paying $3.75. That's not much less than your other offer of $3.89. That's still too much.
Seller: Ok, I can let you have it for $3.09.
Buyer: You know what? I'm going to leave now. I'm sure I can find some bread somewhere else.
Seller: Wait, hold on. I feel we're getting close to a deal. What's it going to take for you to be able to go home tonight and make yourself a sandwich?
Buyer: It's going to take you giving me that loaf of bread for $2.47.
Seller: Ok, let me check with my boss. I'll be right back.

*Seller disappears again, probably to go look at porn for a few minutes, and then comes back*

Seller: You've got yourself a deal, $2.47 it is. Now, I'm just going to need you to fill out this paperwork.

Three hours later you're able to leave with your newly acquired loaf of bread.

Seriously, should anything have to be this complicated?