And your ears just wanna ring, and your eyes just wanna close, nothin' changin' I suppose

The other day one of my old TAs forwarded me this email from a former student of hers:


Hey [TA],

My name is [Student]. I was in your [lab] last summer. I don't know if you remember me or not, but I was there. I sent you some Brian Regan clips a while back. Anyway, hey, I was wondering if you can help me out. I am trying to get a hold of the professor. I am almost sure his last name was [Minnow], but I can't remember his first name. Also, I think he left the school for another one. My point is, I am trying to get into Dental school and I need some professors to write letters of recommendation for me and I was going to see if he would be interested. Can you help me out at all? If not, thanks anyway.

[Student]


Um, yeah, Dude Who Can't Even Remember My Name*, let me get right on that for you.









*He emailed me today and tried to make it sound like we were tight during the semester**.

**I politely told him I don't remember him and he'd be better off having someone else write on his behalf.

You'll realize one day the grass is always greener on the other side

Two stories from Easter Sunday:

The first came from Mr M telling me that there's no such thing as the Easter Bunny. No. Instead, humans just dress up in rabbit costumes and go around delivering candy and eggs. After all, it's not like a bunny can make candy. Duh!

When I tried to convince him otherwise, he just kind of rolled his eyes and walked away.

A few minutes later he came back holding the chocolate rabbit that was in his Easter basket. He pointed to the side of the box it came in and said, "If the Easter bunny is real, then why is there nutritional information on the box? Huh?" Then he turned it over and pointed to the bar code, "And this right here proves that someone bought it."

I asked him where he thought all the other candy that was on the counter came from.

"You."

I think the gig is up.

----------------------------------------------------------------

The second story came from when we were hanging out at the pool. I'm not sure if I mentioned this on here or not, but my ex-wife and her second husband are getting a divorce. Needless to say, they didn't exactly part on good terms, and a lot of her neighbors have heard her version of the circumstances surrounding the end of their time together. They all think he's a jerk. Of course, they're only going on one side of the story (as am I), but they have definitely formed opinions.

So, while we're sitting at the side of the pool, my ex starts talking to one of her neighbor ladies. She introduces me as her ex-husband, and the lady gave me kind of a funny look.

My ex said, "No, he's not that husband. He's the first one. Apparently I like to collect ex-husbands."

I added, "I'm the husband she wishes she'd never left."

Did you think I wouldn't recognize this compromise, am I just too stupid to realize?

Now it's time to share some tips on how to write, as given to me by my advisor:

"Simplification is always good. You should assume* that the people who are reading your work are stupider than you."

I'm not sure if I should take that as a compliment or an insult.








*And people wonder why scientists tend to be arrogant. With training like that, how can we help it?

Ego tripping at the gates of Hell

It's TA evaluation time again. Actually, it was TA evaluation time about a month ago, but I just got mine back, and you know what that means: I'm sharing my favorites with you. But don't get your hopes up too high, all in all, it was a pretty boring bunch. Sure, there were plenty of people who said they liked me, that I was nice, funny, yada yada yada, but there are really only two that are worthy of sharing. The first because it's hilarious. The second because it boosted my ego.

Evaluation 1: (just the hilarious response)
What was your favorite exercise? Why?
Pig Dissection - More hand job* (I could actually see organs).


Evaluation 2: (minus the questions that were left blank)
What was your favorite lab exercise? Why?
I liked the dissections.

Which lab experience was most informative and educational for you?
Cutting things up.

What was your least favorite lab exercise? Why?
I liked all labs cuz I could come see my lab TA.

What is the major weakness of the [biology] lab?
The quizzes & my lab TA he was HOT** and made me buckle @ my knees.

What is the major strength of the [biology] lab?
Everything

In general, how would you rate your lab instructor as a teacher?
I love you [Minnow]!!

What were his/her strong points?
Everything about [Minnow] was great!!

How could he/she improve?
He was wonderful.





*I'm pretty sure they didn't really mean to write what they did. I assure you there are no hand jobs given or received in any of my labs.

**For a limited time only*** I'm giving in to peer pressure and am posting a few pics of myself. This way you can judge for yourself (but mostly I just want to see if the waitress will continue stroking my ego).

***Sorry, time's up.

Cat scratch fever

Son: That is a mean cat!
Me: Why?
Son: Because, it attacks.
Me: Really?
Son: It attacks humans.
Me: Which humans?
Son: We're humans.

Speak for yourself kiddo. I'm a God.