I could be with anyone just while the honeymoon burns bright

The other night:

Friend: Not it.

Me (turning around to see who I was "it" on): Wow. That girl is large. She's like a hippo.

Friend: 'Like' nothing. I saw her fighting off a warthog and a wildebeest. And those were just the other girls at her table. I got not it on them too.


I hate losing at 'not it.'

Big girls, they don't cry-y-y

And while I've just resorted to showing YouTube clips here in The Shallows, check this one out (thanks Daisy):



While we're on the subject of fat girls, I'm just going to go ahead and call 'not it.'

Too much never seen

Me: Not it.

Friend: Not it? On who?

Me: That girl over there.

Friend: Really? I didn't get a good look, but I didn't think she was not-it-able.

Me: Nevermind. I take it back. I just got another look, and while she's not super cute, she's not terribly ugly either.

Friend: Whatever. You'd totally do her.

Me: Yeah. In fact, why don't you go over there and tell her that? My friend over there takes it back: He'd totally do you.

But the Devil's Awaitin'

I've told you before about a little game called not it that I play with my friends. Well, the other night I was sitting with some friends, and called "not it" on a girl that was sitting directly behind one of them.

Me: Not it on the girl at your six.
Friend (after turning around to see who I was talking about): Aaaaagh. I feel like I just stared into Satan's asshole.

Now that, my friends, is the sign of an ugly girl.

This long line of cars is trying to break free

A month or so ago a girl I know got two free tickets to see one of the shows on the Strip. She wasn't interested in using them so gave them to me. The last day to use the tickets was last week, so even though it was late on a weeknight, I went to it with another friend of mine.

The show was about what we expected it to be, not great, but entertaining. I certainly wouldn't have wanted to spend money on it though. It was about 11 o' clock when we got out, so as we were pulling out of the parking garage I asked my friend if he wanted to drive down the Strip. After all, where else do you get to see unsightly tourist attractions such as this:

Him: We might as well. It's late, and it's a Monday, so traffic shouldn't be too bad.

So we drove home on the Strip. During the drive we were stopped at a light when my friend made an announcement.

Him: Not it on the fat chicks walking over there.
Me: Damn you. That's not fair, I'm watching the light.
Him: Tell it to the fat chicks when you're taking them home.

I really need to sharpen my skills at that game. He gets me all the time.

We continued the drive, which turned out to have been a horrible idea. It seems that we weren't the only ones with the idea that traffic would be light, because it wasn't. Of course, that was partly due to the fact that a few miles down the road, the southbound side of the Strip had been reduced to one lane. By the time we realized this we were pretty much locked in and couldn't get off on any of the side streets. We spent quite some time inching forward. After a while my friend said "Hey look! There's those fat chicks you've got dibs on."

He was right. It was the same girls.

All I have to say is that you know you're driving slow when fat girls are able to outpace you on foot.

I would kiss the girl from Venus

My friends and I like to play this game. It's derived from one that some of us used to play when we were teenagers. Any time there was a group of us together, and something needed to be done that noone wanted to do, everyone would touch their nose and the last person to do so was the one who had to take care of the task. It was the quiet way of calling out "not it." It worked especially well for instances such as when someone would order a pizza, but nobody wanted to answer the door when the delivery guy came, and similar scenarios.

We've expanded this out into a game of "dibs" and "not it." If one of us sees a cute girl, we call dibs, but when we see an ugly one we call not it. Unless of course the girl is close enough to hear, we wouldn't want to hurt anyone's feelings after all. In that case, we touch our nose instead of calling out "not it." The joke being that the last one to do so has to sleep with the ugly girl. It's great when we're in any public place, particularly when not everyone is paying attention to their surroundings. Someone is always going to get upset when they find out that they are "it."

There are rare occasions when people will disagree though. We were walking across campus one day and one of my friends called "not it."

Me: "Really? I thought she was kind of cute and was going to call dibs."
Him: "You thought she was cute? That's all you dude."

We then got into a discussion about why I thought she was cute, and why he didn't. Then one of my other friends chimed in with "You two are like the Ebert and Roeper of girls the way you're analyzing this."

My first friend: "Dibs on Roeper!"

I guess that makes me Ebert. Sometimes I hate when I'm "it."