Don't call it a comeback, I've been here for years

Oh, hi there. Long time no see. I've been meaning to post, but there have been some complicating factors. Like the fact that I haven't had internet at my new place until now. And the fact that I can't very well blog from the new job because Big Brother is always watching. You wouldn't want me to get in trouble with Big Brother, would you? WOULD YOU?

I am alive. I'm still sort of settling in. What can I say? I'm lazy. At this rate I'll have my stuff completely unpacked in time to box it up and move again. That's sort of the way it goes. Last time I moved it took me roughly three years to do things like hang pictures on the wall. Maybe I'll do it sooner this time. Maybe not. Who knows?

I don't really have much more to say right now, but thought I'd at least check into the blogosphere for a few minutes. I'll make it around to catch up on everyone's blogs soon. Not tonight though. I have too much other stuff to do. Like catch up on fmylife, and textsfromlastnight.

Supreme

I just ate a double decker taco supreme from Taco Bell whilst standing over the sink so that I wouldn't have to wash any dishes.

Ladies, are you sure you don't want some of this?

Fabulously Lazy

SilentKid: Did you watch the It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia Christmas Special yet?

Me: No. I still haven't gotten around to it.

SilentKid: Why not?

Me: Well, I thought about downloading it from itunes and watching it on Christmas Day, but then I realized that I have a new debit card since the last time I downloaded anything from the itunes store, and it seemed like too much effort to have to type in a new card number.

These lines were here long before we came around

This weekend I had dinner with Girl Who Won't Be My Girlfriend*. Afterward we were driving around and I mentioned that I should have cleaned my car before picking her up. I recently washed the exterior, mainly because one of my friends drew a huge cock-n-balls on the trunk when he walked past my car in the parking lot on campus and saw how dirty it was, but I haven't cleaned and vacuumed the interior in months.

Here's a brief description so you can visualize: There are several plastic and glass bottles on the floor in the back from my most recent road trip. I throw them back there while I'm driving so that I can recycle them when I get back home, but I keep forgetting they're there, so haven't taken them out yet. There are various cards and envelopes that friends gave me when I defended my dissertation (over two weeks ago!). There's a ziplock bag containing a few slices of banana bread - my mom gave me some last week, but I didn't eat all of it (sorry Mom - I know there are starving children in Africa who would have loved to have eaten that banana bread, but I forgot it was there until it was too scary to try - it hurts me too). A biology book sits atop numerous hand-outs and worksheets that I'll be handing out to my students eventually. A pair of basketball shorts that I'd removed from my gym bag in the trunk to go hot-tubbing in, washed afterward, and then put in the back seat because I was too lazy to open the trunk and actually stick them back in the gym bag where they belong. Mr M left fingerprints all over the rear and side windows. You get the point. I drive in squalor.

Her: I left a mark on your window the other day.

Me: You did? Where? This fingerprint on the driver's side?

Her: It wasn't just a fingerprint, I drew something.

Me: Well, I don't see it on here now. What did you draw?

Her: I drew a heart. I wanted to see if you'd notice it like you noticed that dick on your trunk.


I didn't notice the heart, but I did notice the dick. What does that say about me?

Wait, don't answer that.










*Yes, we're hanging out with each other again.

The way the lazy do

Togers had his end of year band performance yesterday. He called me about an hour beforehand to tell me about it, so I didn't get to take any pictures, but least I made it.

The kids did a good job. It seems his school has a great music teacher*. It was incredible to see how much the kids have improved since their Christmas concert a few months ago. At the end of the performance, I thought about getting up from my seat to start a standing ovation, but then I thought about the effort that would require, and didn't.

I'm such a good dad!






*And he's not even gay or anything. Weird.

I live my life a quarter mile at a time

I need to replace the tires on my car.

I've been saying that since January, but still haven't done it.

It's to the point now where I check them all the time just to make sure the wires aren't poking through the sidewall.

Maybe I need to just go buy new tires.

Or maybe I should take up drift racing.



Because if you ain't out of control, you ain't in control.

Really all I need to do is put a spoiler on my Sentra, prime it for NOS, and surround myself with a bunch of hot, scantily clad Asian girls.

Yeah, I think I'll do that instead.

Happy Earth Day!

The black book you took was permanently diversified

You know what I absolutely love? Besides candy that is. And boobs. No? Well, let me tell you. I absolutely love document delivery services (aka, interlibrary loan).

Sure, you're supposed to only use document delivery services if you've searched the library catalog without finding the book/chapter/article/document you're looking for. But you know what? If you're lazy (like me), you can request something without doing that first. If the library doesn't have it, they'll find it somewhere and email a pdf to you within a few days. If they do have it, they'll send you an email telling you that they have it and also tell you where to go find it. In other words, they do all the work.

Now, if I could just get one of them to write and defend my dissertation.

I admit it now I could not give any more

Last night I was too lazy to fix anything for dinner. Unfortunately, the only left-overs had in the fridge were over a week old. But I didn't feel like going out for dinner either. So, what did I do? I reheated the left-overs anyway (punching the time on the microwave to 1:11 of course).

As I was eating, I was too lazy to chew a mouthful properly, and ended up nearly choking on a chunk of rice. But I didn't choke. Of course, I was too lazy to cough or make any other effort to get it out of the back of my throat, so it just sat there and eventually slid into my esophagus. That, my friends, truly is the height of laziness.

My ribs that show through t-shirts and these jeans I got for free

Here's another t-shirt idea that would probably make me some money if I weren't too lazy to follow through with it.