The other day someone mentioned something to me about stalkers. Specifically, they mentioned something about how they were going to start stalking me. I'm pretty sure they were joking, after all, a real stalker wouldn't come out and tell you they were going to do it, right?
Now I don't know about you, but every time I think about stalkers, I think about someone hiding in the bushes with a piano string. Which brings up the following questions: Where does one buy the piano string without looking suspicious? I'm sure that there are people out there who build or repair pianos for a living, but it doesn't seem like that would be a very large proportion of the population. I'm sure that these people would have no problem getting a piano string, but what about your average Joe who wants to start stalking someone? Is there a store he could go to, or would he have to convince one of these 'piano men' to sell him one under the table? If it's the former, are there obligations for the store clerk to notify the police if a suspicious looking person purchases a single piano string (as opposed to an entire set)? If it's the latter, how do you find a crooked piano builder who is willing to sell you some of his precious string? Also, is there an optimal size of string that should be used? If you go too thin will it break? Too thick and it won't actually slit a throat? Or is the main goal asphyxiation instead?
This is why I wouldn't make a good stalker. A good stalker would know the answers to these questions.
9 comments:
just get a good night's rest and you will feel better. And if you hear something at the window...it isn't me, and that isn't a knife.
Duh...we use steel guitar strings which are much easier to obtain!!!
Oh crap!!! I forgot to make that anonymous...
I know you CLAIM you wouldn't make a good stalker, but I find it creepy that you put this much thought into the piano string question. Suddenly I'm glad about all the states between Nevada and Pennsylvania...
State boundaries are no barrier to a truly gifted stalker...don't take too much comfort...
A bad stalker would tell you. If you aren't noticing it, what is the point? Maybe they were already doing it, but since you didn't notice they had to bring it up. I would sleep with one eye open, if I were you.
Minnow...are you there???
Is everything okay???
You never mentioned WHO your stalker was, you fool...
would u like me to bake you some brownies?
*i couldnt help but to get on myspace for a couple minutes. dont tell ANYONE
ShootingStar, I think if I'm too poor to drive to SLC to visit my kids, I'm probably not going to make the journey all the way across the country to come hide outside your window. At least until pay day ;-)
Psycho, the steel guitar string is probably a good substitute. I guess there's a reason you chose that as a screen name huh?
Dorota, you can make me brownies any time, and don't worry, your secret's safe with me.
Aren't you all so happy that a stalker didn't get me? I've just run out of things to say lately.
Post a Comment