Thursday, February 16, 2012

Bangs, above your eyes your hair hangs

Girl: I love your hair.

Me: I hate it. It's all gray and poofy.

Girl: Is there any part of you that you do like?

Me: Hmmm. Let me think about that.

Girl: You're too hard on yourself.

Me: Easy for you to say, you're a model.

Sunday, February 12, 2012

You know the girl you said I'd meet someday, well I've got something to confess, she picked me up on Friday

I don't want anyone to die of shock, but a couple of weeks ago I started dating a girl. She's got superb taste in music, is really easy to talk to and fun to be around, and is very, very pretty. She doesn't even seem to be too concerned about the fact that I'm a loser who lives in his brother's basement. What's not to like?

She came over the other night, and on a piece of scrap paper that was left out on the kitchen counter wrote: [Native Minnow] Where did you come from? Who do you think you are?

My sister-in-law and one of my nieces took it upon themselves to answer her questions.

Where did you come from? He is from outer space, and/or his mom's "no-no" zone.

Who do you think you are? [Nicknames] is a narcissist - he thinks he is king of the world. He is also a verb, as in "Why are you dancing all [Minnow-ey]?"

They left the paper out so the next night when the girl came over she saw them. She laughed, then wrote: Do tell me more.

They did.

"He loves 2 watch Elmo, Barney, and Dora. He is fond of trying to kill little girls by "dancing". He also lives with his brother . . . If it weren't 4 us u'd be dating a hobo."

"[Minnow] really likes fashion, pillow talk, and long walks on the beach. He is secretly rich, but chooses to live a pauper's lifestyle. He also lives a dual life 'in and out of the closet.'"

Somehow, this hasn't scared her off. Yet.

Sunday, February 05, 2012

Easily confused

Earlier this week a colleague asked, "The Super Bowl is this week, right?"

"Yeah. Sunday."

"It's Sunday? I thought it was Thursday. Isn't it always on February 2?"

"Nope, you've got Super Bowl Sunday confused with Groundhog Day."

"Well, I knew something was happening Thursday."

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

I'm a man, a man of simple pleasures, I got all I need . . .

The other day I received a picture text from a girl:

I responded with: I'll be right over.

I'm only sharing this in case you were wondering what sexting with me would be like.