Saturday, March 26, 2011

Coming colors in the air, oh everywhere

Today I went with one of the girls from my lab to the Holi festival at a nearby Hare Krishna temple. I've never gone before, but have seen pictures and videos and it seemed like it'd be a fun experience. It was. There were an estimated 30,000 or so people attending this year's event. We made it there about an hour after the first chalk throw, so many in the crowd were already colored up.







I looked around online and found a video of what the chalk throw looks like. It wasn't from the festival I went to (this was last year), and the idiots in the crowd apparently don't know how to wait for the count, so they sort of ruined it in this one, but if you watch it to the end, you'll see exactly what it was like to be in the crowd when everyone was throwing their chalk around.



You really couldn't see the sky. I'm sure that pulling my shirt over my mouth and nose did little to protect my lungs, but whatever. I'm glad I went. There aren't many times in your life where you get the opportunity to celebrate the onset of Spring by throwing colored chalk at complete strangers. Such as this girl who was nice enough to pose for me after I complimented her on her colors.



By the way, her shirt apparently started off white. So did mine, but it ended up looking very similar. Also, she had me throw pink chalk on her face, right where you can see her skin showing through in the picture. So she looked even more colorful afterward.

People weren't the only ones getting chalked up.



It was a gorgeous day, despite it being overcast.



Don't let the snow on the mountains fool you, it was warm enough to be out in just a t-shirt. Luckily for me. I ended up throwing the one I wore away. I'm glad I didn't have to do that with a jacket or sweatshirt as well.

I had to shampoo my hair four times, and I still ended up with some purple streaks. I also didn't realize how many Q-Tips one must go through to get all the color out of one's ear canal (12). I have a few pink splotches on my face that won't wash off, so I'm hoping those will come off the next time I shower. We'll see. I could be walking around looking like a male guppy for the next few days.



But hey, if it works on the ladies the same way it works on female guppies, I'm all for it. In fact, I may need to go buy some more bags of chalk. Just in case.

Happy Spring everybody!

****UPDATE****

I forgot I took this video right after the color throw. It's not the best quality, and I can't get it to size right, but at least you can hear what the music was like.

video

Going going, back back, to Cali Cali

I spent last weekend in California visiting some friends. Saturday morning they left the house early to pick up bagels for breakfast. When we'd finished eating those, one of my friends pulled what looked like a candy bar out of the bag.

She asked, "Do you like halva?"

I said, "I've never had it."

She asked, "Well, do you like peanut butter?"

"Yeah."

Her husband chimed in. "Well, that's good, because it's not peanut butter."

She retorted, "Well, no, it's not. BUT, it has a peanut butter attitude."

Friday, March 18, 2011

Take it back say it's not what you thought

Last night I stayed at a friend's house. This morning we went to breakfast. When the server brought the bill we each handed her a card and asked her to split the bill down the middle.

Me: I think mine was a little bit more than yours so I probably owe you a dollar or two.

Friend: How about you just don't jizz all over the sheets on my guest bed and we'll call it even.

Me: Uh. It might be too late for that. You should've told me last night if that's what you wanted.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

You've been struck by a smooth criminal

Tonight I stopped and filled my car up with gas at the service station where I used to work weekends when I was an undergraduate student. I was talking to my old boss' son for a while, and he showed me a "publication" called Busted. It's basically just full of mug shots that have been taken in the county over the past month. I don't know if the idea is to shame people into obeying the law or what, but it just lists mug shot after mug shot, and tells what the person was arrested for. I'm sure it would be good for hours upon hours of trashy fun to browse through.

A customer came in, so he set the paper down on the counter while he rang them up. The girl looked down and said, "My sister was in that last month."

My boss' son said, "I'm sorry to hear that. I hope she's turning her life around."

The customer said, "She is. For good this time." Then she walked out the door.

Yeah right.

Five minutes later, another customer walked in, looked down at the paper on the counter (it was still there) and said, "That's my sister."

My boss' son asked, "What did she do* to get her picture in there?"

The customer said, "I don't know. She didn't tell me anything. I'm going to have to look and see." Then he picked it up and started thumbing through it.

I motioned to the stack and said, "There are plenty more if you want to take them for your family scrap book."

He didn't laugh, but I sure thought it was funny.










*Joyriding

Saturday, March 05, 2011

The girl said yeah, smiled, and he smiled back

Check out this amazing take on being divorced from season one of Louie C.K.'s TV series "Louie." I couldn't have said it better myself*.

It's not fun to be single at 41. I was married for ten years. I'm divorced, I've got two children. It's hard to start again after a marriage. It's hard to really, like, look at somebody and go "Hey, maybe something nice will happen."

You just don't.

I know too much about life to have any optimism because I know even if it's nice it's going to lead to shit. I know that if you smile at somebody and they smile back, you've just decided that something shitty is going to happen.

You might have a nice couple of dates, but then she'll stop calling you back and that'll feel shitty.

Or, you'll date for a long time and then she'll have sex with one of your friends, or you will with one of hers, and that'll be shitty.

Or, you'll get married and it won't work out, and you'll get divorced and split your friends and money, and that's horrible.

Or, you'll meet the perfect person who you love infinitely, and you even argue well, and you grow together, and you have children, and then you get old together. And then she's gonna' die.

That's the best case scenario is that you're gonna' lose your best friend.










*Really, I couldn't. If I could, I'd be a successful comedian living in New York.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

You wanna know about atrocity?

A few nights ago a girl from my lab came over to my house so I could show her how to run some analyses*. She lives on the next street, so we figured it would be easier to meet at my house and I could show her on my computer rather than try to meet on campus. We went over a few different things, and it was pretty late by the time she got ready to leave.

After she put her coat on and opened the front door she pulled out some pepper spray so she could have it at the ready.

Me: You carry that out all the time when you're walking at night?

Her: I do in this neighborhood. It's sketchy. My roommate told me there was another rape on that trail behind my house.

Me: More recently than the one last Fall?

Her: Yeah. I mean, I didn't verify it by watching the news or anything, but it creeps me out.


Just then I noticed that her car wasn't parked in front of my house.


Me: Wait. You didn't drive?

Her: I can't drive a block.

Me: Sure you can. Especially when it's cold and rapey out.

Her: Well, my car's cold too.

Me: Yeah, but it's not rapey.









*Not a euphemism for anything**.

**Unfortunately.