Saturday, November 27, 2010

You only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow, this opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo

I woke up this morning and went to eat a bowl of cereal. As you know, I'm basically a child when it comes to my diet, so I reached for my box of Reese's Puffs and noticed that my roommate had taken it upon himself to complete a fill-in-the-blank rap on the back of the box.

In case you can't see it on the picture, I've transcribed the text below. The underlined bits are where Roommate filled in the blanks with his lyrics. (Mad-Libs: They're not just for kids anymore!)

My Reese's Puffs Rap

That peanut butter chocolate Mother Fucker
Is the shit that I fuck that makes me cream
Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs, in your bowl, in your bowl

Recognize the taste that I shit on your plate
Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs,
Wow peanut butter chocolate motherfucker

So crucial to my pussy ass vernacular
That peanut butter jizz is oh so spectacular!
Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs

My Reese's Puffs are up in your rectum
Each peanut butter orb is fucking balls deep
Reese's Puffs, Reese's Puffs, in your bowl
In your bowl. Watch me creep . . . Mother Fucker!

I don't know about you, but I think this baby is going platinum.

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Spent the night in Utah in a cave up in the hills

Last week I spent a few days in Moab, Utah for a scientific meeting. My boss, his master's student, and I skipped out on a session of talks so we could go check out Arches National Park.

The road through Arches:

Along the roadside:

Cairn marking the trail:

Stone steps:

Approaching Delicate Arch:

Delicate Arch:

We did this the morning of the day that park ranger got shot. Pretty crazy. I hope they catch the guy. We saw the beginning of the manhunt. There were well over a hundred law enforcement officials, and even an FBI helicopter.

And in case you were wondering, the meeting was fun (I knew a LOT more people there than I thought I would, including two very good friends), my talk was well received, and I'm told I did a good job even though I went into it with very little preparation (considering I was still writing it at the beginning of the session in which I was presenting - Who says procrastination never works?). Next year's is in Mexico. I'm already starting to lobby my boss to let me go to that one.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Cheeseburger in paradise

Last night I was working late. A guy I know poked his head into the lab to see if I wanted to join him for dinner. I did. He went and got another guy and we went to a burger place near campus.

The guy I don't know all that well asked the manager what came on the western burger, and was told it came with barbecue sauce and onion rings.

Me: It sounds like it would be pretty good, except for those onion rings.

Guy: You don't like onion rings?

Me: I hate onions. They're pretty much the worst things on Earth.

Guy: Really?

Me: Yeah. I'd rather get AIDS than eat an onion.

Guy: . . .

Tuesday, November 09, 2010

If you could flick a switch and open your third eye you'd see that we should never be afraid to die

It shouldn't come as a big surprise that I hate most meetings. I was in a particularly boring one the other day, so I started texting the ridiculous things the woman was saying to my friend.

I followed those up with two more texts:

Why should I have to suffer alone?


I can't take it anymore. I'm about to stab myself in the eye.

He responded with: Don't stab your eye. Blind some other fucker in the room.

Alas, I didn't have anything sharp.