Wednesday, July 27, 2011

You are not easily swayed if swayed means moved

Oh. Hi there. Remember me? I'm the guy who never posts on his blog anymore. But if you can find it within yourself to forgive me, I have a perfectly good explanation. I've been busy trying to enjoy summer. See?

It all started with my boss asking me to go on a collecting trip. Five days through some gorgeous areas: Colorado, Wyoming, Montana, and Idaho. Well, they're all gorgeous except for Wyoming. The only good part of Wyoming is the Grand Tetons:

And Yellowstone National Park:

The rest of Wyoming is pretty desolate. Here's a picture I took of Wyoming's most populated area:

Colorado was pretty cool, except for the suicidal deer we encountered.

I have a picture of the deer too, but won't make you sad by posting it. Luckily, the car was still drivable and we were able to finish the trip. We even made it until the last night before getting pulled over for missing a headlight. The cop let us off with a warning, but then, ten minutes later, we got pulled over again. The second cop just laughed at us, told us we had two more speed traps to make it through, so to drive slowly through town, but then to run like hell once we made it past those. He was alright.

Sure, I've been back for over a week now, but I've been doing some other things. Like going on hikes to mountain lakes:

And waterfalls:

It's all part of my master plan to actually start enjoying my life again. It's sort of working.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Let's start at the beginning, let's go back to square one, I never loved you, I've never loved anyone

Remember that ridiculous Vegas wedding I attended a few years ago? The one where everyone dressed up like pimps? The one with a porno actress in attendance? (Come to think of it, I may have neglected to mention that when I blogged about it before.) Well, my sister came across a calendar featuring said porn actress. Of course she bought it. Of course she mailed it to me. Of course I'm blogging about it.

If you had told me it was possible to make a lingerie/swimsuit calendar with zero negative sex appeal when I was younger, I'd have thought you were insane. Yet, somehow, this exists:













There were actually two that she sent. One was for me, one was for a friend of hers that was also at the wedding. She told me to pick my "favorite" and send the other on to him. It rained the day they were delivered. So I kept this one, not because I liked it best, but because several of the pages were stuck together, and I couldn't have her friend thinking he'd been the unwilling recipient of a "used" calendar.

I'll go away now.

Thursday, July 07, 2011

Turn around, turn around, there's a thing there that can be found. Turn around, turn around, it's a human skull on the ground.

Last week a girl I know texted to say I should go hiking with her over the weekend. My brother texted me a few days later to see if I wanted to go hiking with him. Being the amazing accommodator I am, I asked both of them if they'd mind hiking as a group. They both agreed that would be fine, so the three of us set out on Saturday morning to try and make it to a lake in the mountains.

My brother told us that he'd tried to hike it with his two youngest last year in June, but couldn't go all the way there because of the snow. Even though we were attempting it a month later, we also had a lot more snow last winter, so we ran into the same problem. We eventually got into enough snow that the girl and I decided to turn around. After all, I was wearing sandals, and she was wearing shoes with very little traction. My brother decided to go on ahead. He didn't want to make an attempt to get there twice in a row without making it all the way up. He made it and took some gorgeous photos. It kind of made me wish I'd dressed appropriately, but oh well. There's always time to go up when the snow is gone.

Before we parted ways, my brother had made mention of his previous attempt to hike it with his girls a few other times on the trail. I only bring this up so I can tell you this conversation that occurred when we were about halfway up the trail and he pointed at a weird looking root.

Him: Dude, I think that's a bone.

Me: Yup.

Him: Seriously. I think it's a human bone.

Me: I'm sure it is.

Him: You're not even looking. Look at it.

Me: Looks like a jaw bone. It's probably from the hooker you killed the last time you came up here. When you said to your girls, "You guys go on ahead. Daddy's got some business to take care of back here."

Girl: Jesus Christ, [Native].

Hey, at least I always leave an impression.