The other night I was sitting in my car in the parking lot to a movie theater listening to music while I waited for a girl to show up. We had agreed to see Wristcutters: A Love Story (great movie by the way), but I had miscalculated the time it would take to drive across town, and arrived twenty minutes early. I didn't mind waiting. I just sat in the car listening to music to kill the time, which is something I enjoy doing anyway.
However, as I sat there listening to music, it occurred to me what day it was. Nov 11. Also known as the day my ex-wife and I officially separated. It took nearly three years for the divorce to be finalized. Those were the most emotionally draining three years of my life. It won't come as a surprise to anyone who knew me during that time that I was extremely depressed.
Flash back to that time period a few years ago, when I first moved to Vegas. I already knew a guy in the Ph. D. program because we'd worked on our master's degrees together, so I stepped into an immediate group of friends who did a lot of things together. A couple times a week we'd all meet up after school, usually at a particular bar that was close to campus which had great happy hour specials. On one occasion in particular, I was listening to Ryan Adams' Demolition on the way to meet up with them, and just broke down in tears on the way. I ended up being quite late because I just sat in the parking lot listening to music and sobbing. Once I got it all out, it took a few minutes to compose myself and go inside. I offered up some excuse about how I was sorry it took me so long to get there, but it was because I got caught up responding to an email or something like that. Of course, they knew better, but they never said anything to let me know that they knew.
I never told any of my friends (or family) thanks for getting me through that difficult period of my life. I don't think most of them can even comprehend how much they helped me. So, for the few of you who were there for me that read this, thank you. I've come a long way since then. Now I listen to music in my car to kill time, or because I want to hear the rest of a good song, not because I'm trying to get myself together before going into a public place. That's a big difference.
6 comments:
I know just what a big accomplishment it is not to bawl every day - to have finally gotten your life together and moved on - congrats, well done!! :)
I remember listening to Ryan Adam's Heartbreaker album when Tamara and I broke up. Call Me On Your Way Back Home brought out the tears. It's still hard for me to listen to that album without those memories.
Amber, just to be clear, I was able to get things together and move on a few years ago. I was just reflecting on how much things can change.
Silent Kid, there are a lot of albums that do that for me. The Wallflowers' Red Letter Days felt like it was written specifically for my situation. Of course, all of the early Ryan Adams and Wilco albums do, since that was around the time you got me hooked on them. Same thing goes for Jim White's No Such Place. I could go on, but I won't.
One more: Counting Crows: Hard Candy
Dude, I watched Wristcutters on the same day.
great minds think alike, huh (well, that or you just put the idea of watching that movie and Sunday was the only day I had time to do it)?
Anyway, this entry made me :(
But glad to know you're feeling better... gawking at girls and shit. Haha.
I am positive that you friends and family are just glad that you seem to be doing great and enjoying life!! Life is too short to not be happy!!
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