No plus no equals no

I twittered about this about two weeks ago, but figure I have time to tell the whole story now.

A couple of Fridays ago I went to the bar with my friends. I was sitting at a table with them when a girl I know walked by. She saw me sitting at the table, and came over to say hi. She talked for a few minutes, but I was trapped against the wall, and she was talking to me across the whole table, so I told her I'd go outside and sit with her in a little while so that the conversation wouldn't be so awkward.

Only one of my friends at the table had ever met this girl before, so as soon as she walked away they all started telling me to go outside right then and talk to her.

I told them that I would go out there, but not right then. I waited about an hour, then went outside to talk to her after I'd already had to get up and use the restroom. When I got outside I looked around and couldn't see her anywhere. Cursing myself for waiting so long, I called her and left a message saying that I was sorry I had missed her if she'd already left, and if she hadn't she should text me to let me know where she was and I'd come back out. Then I went and sat back down with my friends.

Friend 1: That was fast.
Me: She wasn't out there.

Just then, she and one of her friends walked out of the bathroom and went back outside.

Friend 1: There she is right there. Go out there and talk to her right now.
Me: No. I just left her a message. If she texts me, then I'll go out.
Friend 2: What is wrong with you? That girl is really cute. Go out there.
Friend 1 (to Friend 2): He could have that girl if he wanted her. She seeks him out every time she's here.
Me: That's a bit of an exaggeration.
Friend 2: Go out there.
Me: If I go out right now I just look desperate.
Friend 1: You are desperate. You aren't in a position where you should be playing hard to get.
Me: I'm only going if she texts me.
Friends 1 & 2: You're an idiot.
Me: Maybe.

A few minutes later she texted me: I was in the bathroom.

Me: See? Now I can go out there.

So, I went outside and sat with her and her friends for a while.

Now, a little back story here is necessary. The first night I met this girl was at the same bar. That night she told me about how the bar owner (who is extremely creepy) kept asking her out. He does that with a lot of girls that come to the bar, but he seems to be very persistent with her. He gives her and her friends free drinks all the time, and sometimes he'll corner her in the hallway that leads to the bathroom to get some one on one conversation and/or to ask her to go out with him. It's creepy, but she tolerates it. Probably so she can keep getting free drinks.

Of course, I take every chance I get to make fun of her about this guy's apparent obsession with her. I'll periodically send her emails or texts that say "[Bar Owner] misses you." It never gets old. At least not from my perspective. (You may have noticed that about me and my stupid jokes.) So, when I first sat down I asked if he'd hit on her yet that night. She said he had. Of course he had.

After sitting there for a while, she and her friends decided that they wanted to do a round of shots. She joked about how she was going to find the bar owner and flash her boobs to him to see if she could get some shots for free. I said that if she did that it would be the highlight of his life, and there'd be no way he could say no.

Her: Of course he wouldn't be able to say no. Nobody has ever been able to say no to these boobs.

I tried to get our server to bring the bar owner out, but she wouldn't, so the plan never came into fruition. At least not while I was there. After sitting there for probably too long, I told her that I needed to go back inside because I felt like I'd abandoned my friends. I also needed to leave soon, and had to settle up on my part of the bill.

Her: You're leaving? You're not even going to stick around long enough to see my boobs?
Me: I'm sure they're fabulous, but I have to go.
Her: [pouting]
Me: Do you see this? [motioning to my body with my hands] This is me saying "No!" to your boobs.
Her: That's the first time that's ever happened.
Me: [Waving as I walk away].

It may be time to rethink my priorities in life.