Me: I need to drop, like, 30 lbs.
Girlfriend: You were too skinny when I met you.
Me: Then I still needed to drop 20 lbs.
GF: I think you look great. Just do what you want.
Me: That's the problem! What I want is to eat cookies, and ice cream, and everything else. Then I gain weight, and I want to go on a diet. But then I want cookies, and ice cream, and everything else. I CAN'T BREAK THE CYCLE!!!