Emma, get me a lemon

A contradictory statement if I ever saw one:



Also, this lemonade may or may not contain strawberry.

It's midnight at the starlite diner

Restaurants where you wouldn't want to eat if they in fact existed:

- Guantanamo's Fine Dining

- Sum Yung Dong All You Can Eat Korean

- Hitler's Steakhouse

- Girls Next Door Sushi

- Pizza Face's Pizza Parlor

So won't the real Slim Shady please stand up?

One of my friends has a name that doesn't fit his physical appearance at all. One time he was paying for something with a credit card and the cashier said, "I need your card, sir." He said, "That is my card." The guy ran it, but was still skeptical.

The other day my friend told me that he stopped at a Starbucks, and was chatting up the barista when she looked past him and called his name out.

He said, "That's me."

She said, "Oh. You're [Name]? That's awesome!"

He told me, "I just nodded, but I was thinking, 'if you think that's awesome you should see my cock.'"

I'm sure she would've just melted upon hearing that.