And I'm back in black

A few weeks ago a friend of mine from Vegas came to visit.  After she went back home she sent me a Facebook message and signed off saying, "Stay black."

Which all lead to the following exchange:

Me:  Stay black?  I think I will.  Amazing.

Her:  Being black can also be a state of mind.

Me:  That's why when I leave a room I often say, "I'll be black."

Her:  Ha!  I bet you do.  I think you should start referring to yourself as a black man and see how concerned your family gets.

Me:  I might need some training.  I might have to axe you some questions about how to be a black man.

Her:  Axe away!  Actually, I will train you to be a loud and ghetto black woman.  They really don't put up with people's shit.  Plus, it would be more fun.  You might have to get a hair weave.

Me:  I'd love to be a loud, obnoxious black woman.  I'll start by yelling at the screen in movie theaters.  You can teach me more later.

Her:  That's a great start!  Also, remember to take offense to everything someone says to you.

Me:  I'm offended that you thought you had to tell me to be offended.

Her:  Bitch!  Calm yo black ass down!

Me:  That is absolutely the first time anyone has told me that.  Awesome!  I feel darker already.


It warrants mentioning that she just so happens to be black.  If you can't mock stereotypes, then what's the point?

More on this later.

So I'll dig it up and bury it in the ground

One more story from my camping trip to the desert a couple of weeks ago.  We were out trying to catch lizards and snakes if we could find them, and my friend started talking about how we probably wouldn't see any rattlesnakes because people tend to kill them when they see them. 

"Which is kind of ridiculous when you think about it.  A lot of people you talk to about it will say they know someone who's been bit or whose kid has been bit.  Especially in the mid-west.  But if you look into it, there are actually very few documented cases of snake bites in the U.S., and even fewer deaths."

Later that afternoon he said he was bummed out that he hadn't seen any rattlesnakes.

I facetiously said, "I'm glad they've all been killed off.  I used to have six kids.  Now I have three.  Lost three to snake-bites.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to bury a toddler?"

He answered, "It can't be that hard.  I'd think about three or four shovelfuls ought to do the trick."