Left alone in a dark room with a mouth full of prescription

An online exchange with SilentKid about how well I'm coping with all the uncertainty in my life:

Me: Could you just go ahead and kill me now? Thanks. I appreciate it.

SilentKid: I'll be there soon. Get prepared.

Me: I'm shaving my scrotum as I type this. Wait, that's not what you meant? I have nothing of value, so it's not worth the effort to put together a last will and testament.