I couldn't chew my meat real good

A friend of mine took his comprehensive exam today, and passed, thus demonstrating his intellectual superiority over me. I'm happy for him. I think he was more nervous about it than I was, so I'm glad that his didn't end with the same result as mine. I just have to secretly think he's a bastard from now on.

So, even though I think he's a bastard, I accepted his invitation to go out to dinner tonight so that we could all celebrate his bastardliness. Besides, it's not every day that you get to start secretly thinking that one of your friends is a bastard. Plus, I wanted to hang out with another friend of mine who is not a bastard. My friend who is not a bastard was in town because my friend who is now a bastard put my non-bastard friend on his committee at the last minute. Also, my friend who is not a bastard is flying out of town first thing in the morning, so this was my last chance to see him for a while. Still with me? Good.

We went to dinner at a Mexican restaurant. It was good, and even better once I found out that my bastard friend's father (now there's a conundrum) insisted on paying for us all. He's also leaving tomorrow, so even though I just met him two days ago (even though I've known my friend who I now secretly think is a bastard for eight years), this was my last chance to see him (seriously, how often do you get to have dinner with a living conundrum?).

Why am I telling you this? Because my friend who is not a bastard ordered tongue (he's from Spain, they like to eat weird stuff over there. In fact, pretty much all they eat is tongue and anchovies and sardines, all they drink is Sangria, and they're all matadors, if not professionally then at least in their spare time). So anyway, I've never tried tongue before, and I was feeling adventurous, so I asked my non-bastard friend for a bite. He obliged and cut me off a piece (after all, he's the one that's not a bastard), and I ate it. It was a very difficult thing to do, not because it tasted weird, but because when I was in high school I worked in a meat packing plant, and all I could think of while I was chewing was a big hairy cow's tongue hanging from a meat hook. It just took a little bit of determination to get it down, and then everything was fine after that.

At least until now. Now I'm feeling ill. It's not from the food, I actually felt like something was coming on while I was at the restaurant, but was hoping it was all in my head. I'm kind of hoping that I'll puke before I go to bed. If I do, I'll probably think that the tongue tasted about the same coming back up as it did going down.

The piece of tongue will probably think the same thing about me.