Satan is my motor

Here is a list of personal slogans that I've come up with, but for some reason or other have failed to catch on:

• Lice free since Tuesday
• Shootin' blanks: I'm snipped baby!
• Hanging out with me is a vomit inducing good time
• It's nothing a good Kleenex can't fix
• Smells more like feet than feet
• It's not really a cult per se, it's just the only true way to get into heaven
• I can quit any time I want, it's only heroin
• Explosive diarrhea is really only funny in the movies

Feel free to chime in with some more.