So tell me Mrs. Rita, what's it say in my tarot?

The other night at my friend's birthday party she broke out a deck of tarot cards. I think that's a sure sign that she's a witch, but I can't be sure because we didn't throw her into the water to see if she floated or not. Maybe next time.

She was doing readings on people for fun, and she handed cards out to everyone in the room. She then went around and told everyone what their card meant. As we were waiting for her to get to us, my friend showed me his card. It had three girls dancing around some kind of plant. He said that it meant three hot girls were going to get him drunk and take advantage of him. Another friend showed me his and said it looked pretty scary. It had one of those dudes that looks like Pan (you know with a human head and torso and goat legs), but it didn't have a flute. It did look pretty scary, probably because it looked like the devil, but I cracked up when he followed that up with "it also looks kinda hot."

My card was the pinnacle of something or other, I don't really remember, but it had a person sitting cross-legged with three balls floating over their lap. My friend the witch said that it meant I was "holding on to some serious shit."

I personally don't think it took a tarot reading to see that. One look at me and anyone could pretty much tell that's the case. But really, isn't that pretty much the case with everybody? That's the problem with fortune telling. All it takes is for someone to make a very general statement, and someone who wants to believe it will be able to find something about themselves.

To be honest, I was kind of hoping that my tarot card meant that the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life was about to walk through the door and start making out with me, but I guess that was too much to ask. Maybe that'll be next time too.