Parking is at a premium on campus these days. It's almost like the university treats it like an afterthought when they're planning some major construction project. In the time that I've been here I have had to change where I park three different times because of lots that have been torn up to build something new. It's kind of annoying that parking permits go up in price every year, yet the quality of the parking goes down, but nothing's going to change in the near future.
This month I had to change yet again because the lot where I normally park has been turned into stables. That's right. Stables. Not only that, but the road to my office has been closed off as well. Why? So that the cowboys can ride their horses from the stables to the arena. Stupid NFR, and their stupid millions of dollars that they bring into the economy.
Yesterday on the way back from lunch I was looking for a space to park. As soon as I pulled into the parking lot I heard a motor start up, but the guy never pulled out of his space. I parked, then as my friend and I were walking past I saw that he was still there.
Me: That guy's still there. He didn't look like he was in any hurry to go anywhere.
My friend: I think you should lay a big turd log on his hood.
Me: A turd log, huh?
Him: It's better than a turd pie!
Me: A turd pie?
Him: You know, like a cow pie.
Me: Do you lay a lot of turd pies?
Him: Well, sometimes you're in the field and you have to go, and it ends up not being the most firm thing you've ever shot out your ass.
6 comments:
um yeah when I went to college I showed up every morning an hour early so I could find a spot. WHATEVER.
And your friend needs to learn that you put the turd on the SUNROOF so when they open it they get bombed. hee hee.
Ew. Not only does my family lack discretion, apparently they lack the difference of what you do and do not speak about.
...Don't get me started on parking. I have more than a mouthful to say about the quality of parking at this university.
I think it would be fun to be at the stupid NFR, actually........
In the near future we will all have jetpacks. Hold on just a little longer.
When Eleanor was teaching the most misbehavin' kids in the state of Utah (the ones who burned things and beat up kids in wheelchairs and killed people) they had those kids in a classroom in a local civic center. One weekend they held a gay-rodeo in the school/civic center. It's pretty much just what you would think, but just to make sure you are thinking right, it was a rodeo with horses and stuff ridden by gay people. It was awkward when the kids came back to class on Monday and the whole building was littered with personal-lubricant tubes.
But the worst was when the Olympics were in Salt Lake. The Olympic officials rented the whole building aside from the classroom and they were insane with power. They forced everyone to get picture IDs to enter the building and stuff. I think the one classroom was the only room with heat so the Olympic toadies would come in every five minutes and crank up the thermostat, even though they only succeeded in roasting the students while the rest of the building remained cold.
And nothing shows the world coming together in peace like fully uniformed national guard troops walking around with machine guns on every city block.
That reminds me of a day I went to switch cars with Eleanor at the main school. I was in the parking lot waiting for Eleanor to talk to me when an unmarked police car with two dickhead cops pulled up. They were wearing leather jackets and their badges on chains around their necks. They ran up to some teenager sitting in his car and pulled out submachine guns and put them right in the kid's face. The kid laughed at them. After a few minutes the kid drove away and the cops got back in their car and went somewhere else to act like Steven Segall.
I really don't see ANY reason to whip out machine guns in a school parking lot unless you really intend to shoot someone. As in, you pull it out and BANG! I don't want to hate cops but they do a lot of stupid stuff. And when they make mistakes, people tend to die.
I can't wait for the jet packs. They'll probably be pretty expensive when they first come out though, which means I'll be one of the last to get one (just like ipods, only with jet propulsion).
One day during the Olympics my friend Jared and I went to Salt Lake for something (I forget if it was a Jazz game, a Cake concert, or just to walk around and check out the Olympic type things) and I remember seeing the National Guardsmen carrying around their automatic rifles. Between that and the razor wire I felt like we were in Bosnia or something (remember that war?).
A different time (still during the Olympics)I was trying to collect fish for my thesis work and we were in a hayfield about 20 miles or so from Park City. My friend and I were standing in the stream with a backpack electroshocker and this Apache helicopter came flying overhead. They probably didn't even see us, but I kept thinking, "Great, they're going to think we're terrorists trying to do something to the water supply." We didn't get shot though. We didn't even get approached and have submachine guns pushed in our faces. Whew!
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