Sunday, March 23, 2008

I kill you all with a six barrel shotgun, I kill you all but I need you so

Here are a few of the things my youngest son has said over the past few days. Some is Easter related, some isn't:

Mr. M.: Dad, the Easter Bunny came last night.
Me: He did? What did he bring?
Mr. M.: He brought lots of stuff.
Me: Like what? Did he bring eggs?
Mr. M.: Yeah.
Me: Did he bring candy?
Mr. M.: Yeah.
Me: Did he bring guns?
Mr. M.: No! The Easter Bunny doesn't bring guns.
Me: Ok. Just checking.
Togers: Besides, [Mr. M.] already has enough guns.
Mr. M.: No I don't!

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Mr. M.: Mom, the Easter Bunny isn't a bunny. It's a guy in a bunny suit. And he doesn't walk, he just drives or flies to everyone's house to leave candy for kids.

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Mr. M.: Mom, I'm gonna learn Spanish so I can go to China.
Ex-Wife: Except in China they speak Chinese.
Mr. M.: No Mom, they speak Spanish.

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Mr. M. doesn't like to eat fish, so the other night when my ex-wife fixed some for dinner, she lied and told him it was chicken so that he'd eat it.

Mr. M.: Mom, my chicken tastes like fish. I think it's because they have a machine that they put fish in and turn it into chicken.

9 comments:

Karen said...

Hey don't knock the logic of learning Spanish to go to China....you have to learn English to go to America don't you?

Dee Ice Hole said...

WOW---what a profound thinker he is turning into--and you never have enough GUNS!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Spanish Chinese people... interesting.

2 Dollar Productions said...

The Spanish-Chinese theory was the best as I'm curious where that came from. Also, the Easter Bunny toting around heavy weaponary is a good one.

Delirious said...

My kids won't eat fish. Once I made clam chowder. They asked what was in it. I said, "meat, potatoes..etc." They seemed content with that and ate it and liked it. When they were done, I told them the meat was clams. They never forgave me for that, and over the years they morphed that experience and said that I lied to them. I didn't lie...I told them it was meat. It was meat. :P

Bill From Gainesville said...

We all need a machine that can turn fish into Chicken -- I personally like Fish, just ate some for lunch today, but still a machine that could turn Fish into Chicken would be AWESOME

Jenny said...

Rambo Easter Bunny - I could see it.

h said...

Let's strive for correct sentence structure, shall we?

"Some of them are related to Easter and some of them are not."

Native Minnow said...

Gypsy, I suppose so, although there are plenty of people who don't.

Dee Ice Hole, I thought you especially would appreciate that.

Ryan, that would make for an interesting accent, no?

Delirious, clams aren't fish, they're molluscs, so they should have liked it anyway.

Bill, I just like the idea that in his mind, if there's a problem there must be some sort of machine that can handle it or is responsible for it.

$2, Boxer, we could write a script about a heavily armed Easter bunny and have a multimillion dollar kids movie on our hands.

Troll, point taken. I kind of lose credibility with that after my rant about misspelling and improper English the other day, eh?