Friday, December 12, 2008

Like eating glass

Friend (who had been waiting curbside while I dropped a package off at the UPS store): What took you so long?

Me: It was crazy in there.

Friend: It didn't look like there were that many people.

Me: Well, let's see. First there was the lady who wanted to ship a bunch of gift bags, but couldn't understand that they needed to be packaged into a box first. The lady spent five minutes showing her how to do it, explaining that she'd have to take it out of the store to package it, weighing it to get an estimate on the cost only to have the lady say, "I'll need to check with my sister first to see what she wants to do. She's the one that's paying for it."

Me: Then there was the lady who wanted to insure her package through priority mail, but didn't realize that it's not a post office, so they can't insure it unless you send it through UPS. She ended up shipping it via UPS, but it took her forever to make up her mind.

Me: Then there was the guy who didn't speak any English. He kept trying to talk to the clerks in Spanish, but neither of them spoke it. They were trying to tell him that the person who spoke Spanish would be back in thirty minutes, but he didn't understand them, and they didn't know how to tell him that in Spanish.

Friend: So did you tell him?

Me: No. Fuck that. I don't have anywhere near that much holiday spirit.

10 comments:

AnoMALIE said...

awww... you should have done it for AnoMALIE's sake... (who the hell am I kidding... I act Lebanese when strangers ask me something in Spanish... haha)

Heff said...

I hate people too. Merry F'n Christmas.

Boxer said...

You know, I'm not a big fan of the general masses either - especially when at UPS. I have an account, so I get to go to the "special" line for drop off - but I'd shoot myself if I had to wait.

TROLL said...

If I'm at the end of a long line I say the following loudly:

Attention WOMEN and FOREIGNERS standing there in line doing NOTHING. PREPARE yourselves. Check to see if the coupon you have actually matches the product you selected. Decide NOW if you want to piss me off by asking the Clerk questions. Get your Method of Payment out of your FUCKING SUITCASE-SIZED PURSE NOW and have it in your HAND when it's your turn. If you're paying with Cash, do NOT dig around for exact change while I'm behind you waiting! Lastly, if you are yakking on your cell-phone when it's your turn to purchase, I will seize it and stomp on it. That is all. Thank you for being CONSIDERATE!

deputymomof6 said...

LOL, I guess if he was smart enough to understand that this is still America and we speak English here, and then take it upon himself to learn some, he wouldn't have had such a hard time.

steph said...

ha!

silentkid said...

La unica persona que habla espanol aqui no esta aqui. Va a regresar en treinta minutos. Entonces, callate la boca y espera. Pinche puto. Chingate y Feliz Navidad.

Romany Angel said...

Do you speak Spanish? I never knew. In closing, I just want to say that I echo every single word the Troll said. You're my hero Mr Troll. That is all.

TROLL said...

Romany,

Thanks much. I'm Minnow's hero too. He's just reluctant to admit it.

Native Minnow said...

I don't speak Spanish. I know enough that I could've pieced together the words 'treinta' and 'minudos', but that's about it. I didn't even do that much b/c I didn't want to be stuck with him trying to talk through me to the clerks.