Friend: I finally got the rest of my home theater set up. I bought some towers to go in front, so I moved those other speakers behind.
Me: That's cool. So now you and your cat can cuddle up and watch a movie together for Valentine's Day.
Friend: Oh, we already celebrated.
Friend: Yeah. I packed my butthole with peanut butter and made my cat lick it out.
Can you believe that? Peanut butter? I mean, doesn't he even care if his cat gets Salmonella?