Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Before I learn I gotta grow up, but I'm not willing I guess I'm fucked

Having a bad day? Are you the sort of person who feels better after reading about the misery of others? If so, you're in luck. May I direct your attention to fmylife.com? Read it. Love it.

A few good ones:

- Today, I was flirting via text with a coworker. Things started getting heated, and I wanted to send her a sexy picture. I asked if she had any suggestions. She said, "Your nuts!" She meant, "YOU'RE nuts." I sent her a photo of my junk. I offended a co-worker with incriminating evidence. FML

- Today, I got back my math test. Instead of taking the time to mark the mistakes, my professor just circled the bottom half of the page and wrote "OMG." FML

- Today, I was delivering packages to patients in the hospital for my job. My boss gave me a room to deliver to, and I drop it off as usual. But my boss gave me the wrong room number. I had to walk in, apologize, and take back balloons and a stuffed animal from a crying 6year old patient. FML

- Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a homeless man hit me in the face with a bag of Skittles for not giving him money. FML

- Today, I was texting two people at once. Trying to respond to my friend's text, I accidentally clicked on this guy's name instead, who I've never met. He just told me about his grandma's funeral he went to that was an open casket. I responded with, "Haha wow you slut, I'm sure you were aroused." FML

- Today I texted my girlfriend, telling her how I hated my job and felt like I was trapped be wasting my time. A couple of minutes later she texted back, saying "That's how I feel about our relationship." FML

- Today, I was the only one in an elevator when an attractive girl came in, talking on her phone. She told her friend, "I have to go, there's a cute guy on this elevator." Before I could even react, she turned to me and said, "Sorry for lying, I really wanted to get off the phone with her." FML

- Today I stopped riding my bike to help an elderly lady across the street. While we were crossing, the light changed, and in the rush to get her to the curb I dropped my phone. It was run over. Then I looked across the street just in time to see my bike get stolen. FML

9 comments:

Sour Cream said...

You know what I think is funny about that site?

How it didn't even accept what I submitted. FML

repliderium.com said...

I like hearing about the misery of others. It makes me happy inside.

Amber said...

I like the second one the best - wow - but I admit, I DO feel better LOL

PsychDoctor said...

Funny stuff...must bookmark... :)

Lightning Strikes said...

hahahaha that's funny!!! I wonder if I could add My Parked car got hit by land lord FML.... ;) I feel lots better now!

Manuel said...

ha! skittles one is ma favourite one.....

2 Dollar Productions said...

Ha. Good stuff (cause it didn't happen to me) and this is why I rarely text anyone.

Boxer said...

Brilliant!My new favorite website.

girl with no name said...

i love the skittles one the best!