This is something that I posted a few years ago, but someone reminded me of it yesterday, and I think it's funny enough to warrant re-posting. But first, here's a relevant picture that always makes me laugh.
I decided a long time ago that I would make the world's worst pedophile. Why? Because I'd eat all the candy, and wouldn't have anything left to lure the kids into the van.
When I told that to a friend he added another reason: Even if I got a kid into the van, I'd probably just sit there and wait for the kid to make the first move.
At the time, my friend said, "I can picture this perfectly. [Minnow] sitting in a van, a kid in the passenger's seat, [Minnow] sitting there thinking, 'Come on, touch my hand. Please touch my hand.'"