Earlier this week:
Ex-wife: Hi. I need you to talk to your son. He got in trouble on the playground today.
Me: Okay. Put him on.
Mr M: Hi Dad.
Me: Hi dude. Your mom said you got in trouble at school today.
Mr M: Yeah. I did.
Me: What did you do?
Mr M: I called a girl a midget.
Me: Why did you do that?
Mr M: Because she is.
At least he's penitent. Oh, wait.