Last night I stayed at a friend's house. This morning we went to breakfast. When the server brought the bill we each handed her a card and asked her to split the bill down the middle.
Me: I think mine was a little bit more than yours so I probably owe you a dollar or two.
Friend: How about you just don't jizz all over the sheets on my guest bed and we'll call it even.
Me: Uh. It might be too late for that. You should've told me last night if that's what you wanted.