So come on baby, just give me the fix

I had dinner at a Thai restaurant last weekend. My fortune cookie contained a fortune that read, "You will find luck when you go home."

I looked and looked, but didn't find it.

Unless you count the granola bar I found in the cupboard and ate.

I'd rather get a fortune that says one of the following though:

- Your student loans will be paid off in full by an anonymous donor.

- Your car has been replaced in the parking lot - Drive the Ferrari home.

- You will find a duffel bag containing half a million dollars.

- You will meet Sasha Grey and she will be very interested in teaching you a few tricks.

I wonder if you'll love me tonight

Finally! A fortune cookie worth the paper it's printed on.



I guess I need to get home early so I can change the sheets.

But my future tense is past

Yesterday I cracked open a fortune cookie, excited to see what the future had in store, but it was empty.

I thought it meant I had no future.

My friend thought it was just unfortunate.


(Thank you, thank you, we'll be here all week.)